I’m marrying a wonderful man soon, and my family’s very excited. Unfortunately his family is not. 

They haven’t had much contact with us since we moved in together two years ago and left his church (we attend a different church every Sunday). I don’t know if I have the strength to keep up with their drama for the rest of my life.

When we got engaged, they wouldn’t say “congratulations.” They told our pastor he shouldn’t marry us because we live together, and they say they may not come to our wedding.

I’m trying to take the high road, continuing to invite them to everything and “meeting” whenever they ask to discuss our situation - even though it makes me feel terrible.

I’m trying to support my fiancé, but when is it enough, as they try to ruin every happy occasion with their comments?

- Fed Up

Since your fiancé willingly moved in, and also agreed to attend a different church, it’s up to him to do more of the “supporting.” 

Stay on the “high road,” and leave him to convey to his parents his commitment to his life with you – and to the wedding, with, or without them.

He needs to be clear that you’d both prefer a harmonious and accepting relationship with them. He also needs to explain that attending a different church is not a rejection of them; rather, it’s an extension of their teaching of faith and family, to his own union with you.

Meanwhile, be the Gracious Bride, despite any carping and criticism.

They naturally fear they’re losing their son, and it’ll take time to convince them otherwise. But if you respond nastily, it’ll be seen as true… and your fault.

I’m 47, have taken good care of myself and love life; though I have two loving, grown kids, I’ve never been married. I’ve been engaged several times but addictions and selfishness proved insurmountable.  

Last spring I met the man of my dreams, who’d also never been married. We felt like we’d known each other forever!

Four months later, he ran into a “friend” at the grocery store, gave him a ride home and tried crack cocaine. He didn’t come home all weekend, then arrived smelly, unshaven and looking like hell.

I stuck by him, insisting on his attending daily meetings. Sporadically, he repeated the same behaviour, so I had to end the relationship.

He’s a beautiful person from a wonderful family; I feel that his mother should know – he’s especially close to her and his sister. Should I tell her and how? He needs an intervention.

P.S. If he gets clean for a year, with continued treatment, should I give it another chance?

- Disappointed

It’s hard to understand why you’d accept potentially “insurmountable” addictions in another man, when your previous relationships with such types never lasted. 

An intervention could save this man from further damaging decline, so YES, you should alert his mother and sister that he’s been drawn into a drug habit and needs their help.

Be straightforward and informative… but don’t stay involved, as it sends the wrong message of wanting to be there for them and him, throughout a very trying process.

And it could take months or years, which is why you should NOT set a “clean” deadline for giving him a second chance.

Whatever he was, he isn’t now. Given your past rejection of situations like his, you should move on.

We’ve been dating for over two years, lived together for six months; is it too soon to expect a marriage proposal? I’m 35; he’s 28.  

He keeps saying we need to take it slow but I’m not getting younger. He’s aware that I want more of a commitment.

Should I hold out for another six months or just move on? I love him very much but at times I feel he wants to “have his cake and eat it too.”

- Losing Patience

It’s not about your age, or an alarm clock set to proposal-time; it’s about the relationship. 

You shouldn’t have to beg, or wait around, wondering. You need straight answers: Is there a marriage in the future between you? What is the time frame each of you is considering, and how to compromise? What plans need to be made now, or soon?

“Slow,” is not an answer; it’s a diversion.