I’ve been in love with a divorced mother of two children for a year, but I make considerably less money than she does. This bothers her she expects me to be the total provider. She insists on living in an affluent suburb where she rents and has enormous legal bills from her previous marriage. I keep suggesting that we budget and move to a location in our price range; she’s adamant about not changing her lifestyle to accommodate my paycheck.
She travels frequently for work and I recently discovered she’s been having an on-line affair with a colleague - she’s text messaging provocative images of herself and texting him via her work cell phone and email accounts. She denied this, saying I don’t understand her work and that it’s perfectly normal to be social and send texts at all hours to colleagues.
I can’t help but think that she might be having an affair while away on “business trips.” I’m torn between trying to fix things and just running away from it all.

- Undecided in suburbia

Head for the hills… or at least to somewhere you can afford.
This woman is wishing for a bigger catch to support her lifestyle, and is already fishing around.
I say, you understand her work very well – it’s “monkey business” when it includes texting sexy images of herself to another man, colleague or otherwise.
Staying with her won’t resolve your disagreements on finances, since it’s unlikely you’ll be able to increase your income soon enough for her demands, if ever.
Move on.

I relocated to the United States in 2004 after two years of being apart from my husband.
The next year, shortly after I gave birth to my son, my husband revealed that he was unfaithful to me while we were apart and as a result, he had a child.
I’m in shock; my husband is still in the dog house, as I ponder what to do. I’m in love with him and I know he’s in love with me too. He told me that it was a moment of weakness. If so, why did he continue the relationship even after I was present here, and why is his mistress still contacting him?

- Only Physical

Your husband has allowed weakness to take him far beyond the “Oops” level of apology.
He has a responsibility to his child (and yours, of course) for years to come, and you have to consider that reality while deciding your next steps.
He needs to fully disclose why he kept up the affair. And, if you stay with him, you’ll have to accept there will always be some contact with this woman about the child.
He must, by law, set up a child support process; and for the sake of the child, I believe he should have a relationship with it. All this will require a great deal of understanding and forgiveness on your part.
I strongly recommend you seek couples’ counselling together, to see if you can work on your relationship and keep the best interests of both innocent children in mind.

I dated a co-worker and he broke off the relationship, saying he did not feel “more than physical attraction.”
I’m glad for the honesty, yet after a week I still feel depressed, unwanted, and unattractive. I hate having him around because it reminds me that I wasn't good enough and I still think he’s attractive. I try avoiding him and he avoids me, but I wonder how much I can take.
He didn’t fit into my perfect list either, but I was giving it a chance because I really liked him for who he was.
Is it the fact that the wound is still fresh but soon will heal, or do I need to seek out another job if I cannot get over this?

- Only Physical

Work on avoidance instead of flight.
Remember: you were giving him “a chance” – which means you could just as easily have been the one to say, “not perfect for me.” So don’t build this into a huge rejection story. It’s simply a dating relationship that didn’t last.
Nobody likes to be the one that’s told it’s not working; but far better to have honesty sooner than later. If this still affects your self-esteem after several months, you should consider talking to a therapist.
Meanwhile, hold your head up, smile, and try to meet new men outside of work.