I’m 43, married for two years, have a child, nine, from a previous relationship, and recently graduated from a world-renowned Nursing program.
I’m also 5'5" and weigh 319 pounds.
I’ve been researching bariatric surgery and feel this would aid me, along with diet and exercise, in losing 160-plus pounds.
My husband’s vehemently opposed to this.
I’m self-supporting, have my own home, paid my way through Nursing school, and am fiercely independent.
He’s repeatedly said that our marriage will be over if I pursue this.
I don’t understand why I have to explain/justify my actions to him.
I’ve tried many different weight-loss programs, spent literally thousands of dollars.
Want To Be Healthy
He may fear the risks of surgery and therefore fear losing you. Or, he may fear a change in you when you’ve succeeded, and your appearance (and your self-image) is affected.
If those are his worries, they should be discussed in light of how much he cares for you. “Fierce independence” could be getting in the way of appreciating whether he’s seriously concerned about you.
If so, reassure him, describe your research, and ask for his emotional support.
However, if his opposition is based on his preference for an oversized woman, then it’s at the expense of your need for improved health and longevity.
Find out what’s really troubling him. Try to resolve it. Get fully informed on the surgery.
Then stay determined to tackle a healthy, steady program of nutrition and exercise towards losing the weight, with or without the surgery.
I’m 28, living together with my boyfriend for four years.
I don’t feel we’ve made much growth. Or that we belong together anymore.
I’ve worked hard to get where I am - renting an apartment, job benefits, car paid off, fully independent, great family and friends.
He doesn’t have similar drive and depends on me a lot.
He’s worked here and there but his background and constant tardiness made it hard to get a good-paying job.
He states that once he’s finished school and the pardon passes, he’ll have more opportunities.
We lack communication, rarely spend time together anymore. Dealing with our issues just doesn't interest me anymore.
I feel like I’m being taking advantage of, as he’s become a recent student and I’m working full-time making ends meet.
I support him bettering himself, but don’t understand his not working many hours during summer months to bank cash for school and bills.
I’m second-guessing my future if I stay, and whether I’ll be able to obtain the things I want most - a house, comfort, support, kids.
If I try to discuss it, he takes it as an attack and is defensive.
I do love him and he has wonderful qualities.
Am I being too hard on him or do I need to move on?
Feeling Used and Disrespected
You’re done with the relationship as it currently exists.
Now check your legal responsibilities in case you’re considered a common-law couple in your jurisdiction.
That’d make you responsible for some of his needs, since you’re the greater earner.
Either way, you must insist that he works part-time during school terms and full-time in summer to pay part of his share. He’s had an easy ride while you’ve carried the load.
If he doesn’t pitch in financially, you may have to insist he leaves and work out some legal arrangement if necessary, whereby you help him get by till he finishes school.
How can I gently point out to two close family members that they tell a story once and then immediately repeat it again, verbatim?
How can I let them know that hearing a story once is sufficient? When non-family members are a part of the conversations, I often see them roll their eyes and look away when stories are being told a second time.
I’m female in my 60's, these family members are 40-plus and have been telling stories (twice) for years. We all get along well.
Just tell them, gently and privately.
Say that you love to get together, but there’s something you must relate for their benefit.
State it simply, as in, “You probably don’t realize that in your enthusiasm you both tell the same story twice. And I’ve noticed that people stop listening or wanting to hear your next story.”
Then change the topic, and hope.
Tip of the day:
Stay determined to improve your health and longevity, no matter a partner’s opposition.