I've known this girl for four years, on and off. We both worked at a bookstore, she stayed on after I left. I was attracted to her, but she never hinted her feelings. I assumed she wasn't interested.

After a year of not seeing her, we met again at the bookstore. She told me I was good looking, and other compliments. She was interested in what kind of girl I was looking for. I took this as an opening and started emailing, but she never responds. She doesn't work at the bookstore anymore and I no longer have her phone number.

I shrugged her off one time in passing, as I had to do something. That was the last time I saw her. Is she mad at me? I like her and can't stop thinking about her.

Confused

The "shrug" wasn't the problem. She just isn't interested in more than a sometime - friendship. Your emailing made her realize that you wanted more.

You're thinking about her because she became elusive. Otherwise there wasn't that much between you - no real dating, no close communication, or sharing of confidences.

Your common interest was the bookstore. The love of reading is real, but move on from this fantasy relationship.

I recently graduated from a university whose students are very rude, whether on campus (where I still belong to a group there) or out in the community.

Riding public transit is worse - the students like to tease people with disabilities, allow their small children to push other people, curse, spit, evade paying their fare, and give excuses for their boorish behavior.
Even at stores, I refuse to be seen with these students and I disassociate myself from the school I have graduated from.

I don't know what's gotten into these kids, but their behavior is ridiculous and I am no longer going back to the university until these kids shape up. Should I continue to boycott the university?

Embarrassed

Try to be part of the solution rather than just avoid the problem. You have a personal attachment to this university, benefited from its teachings, and could have some influence on improving its public image.

Call the school's community relations department, and bring some documented reports of rude incidents you've witnessed. While the school can't police students off campus, attention can be paid on campus to their behaviour and, especially, to their attitude to people with disabilities.

Don't be brushed off by administrative excuses. Contact a local disabilities and/or human rights association and suggest that their leadership consider offering a workshop on human dignity to the school.

I am newly engaged and will soon meet my fiancé's parents. What is the best way to approach a relationship with my in-laws, both now and in the future?

Planning Ahead

You're already on the right path by taking this thoughtful approach. Do go with an open mind... you love their son, so they've done something right.

But don't go with high expectations of suddenly having new parents who love you unconditionally. They're nervous too, and may come off cool or distant at first as they also consider how to approach this new relationship.

Remember, if their son told you any negative things about them, don't build up an attitude.... his reflections may have to do with growing pains from the past.

You two, and his parents, are able to have a new beginning as family. Take it slow, show respect, and interest in their lives, plus confidence in your relationship.

My friend's recently been acting strangely. Then, I noticed these cuts all up his arms. I asked if he'd hurt himself on purpose. He said, "maybe," got mad at me, and said to stop asking questions.

I left him alone about it, but I know something isn't right with him. I want to talk to him about it, but I know he won't take me seriously. I can't let it go. He's my friend and I don't want him to be hurt.

Worried

Cutting is a definite cry for help, since the cuts inevitably become visible. He wants attention, and he needs it.

Look in the Yellow Pages for your local Distress Centre helpline, and give the number to your friend. Tell him there are trained people who'll talk to him anonymously and confidentially, and will offer ways to get help.

If he pushes you away, inform a school official, and/or his parents.