My husband of 38 years ran off with a woman he met online three years ago. I was devastated, as he’d been a good, hardworking husband.
After extensive counseling, I now believe that he had a mid-life crisis. I joined a support group, and was healing. I had a two-year friendship with a man I met, and we had a lot in common.
Lately, he’s stopped calling and is avoiding me. I think he feared we’d develop more than a friendship, and he wasn’t interested in that.
I’m now feeling rejection all over again, and cannot afford counselling. The loneliness is hard. I try to keep busy, and work part-time. Some of my friends have had success on dating sights; others have not.
Now my ex isn’t working, and his support payments are lowering substantially, so the wounds have opened again with him.
Feelings of rejection can hurt at any age, but as a mature woman you also know that people make choices that are about them, not about you.
So, if the new man feared an emotional attachment, that’s due to his life view and limitations at this time, not a personal rejection.
Similarly, a mid-life crisis such as your husband had, comes from within a person’s own reaction to changes that he/she can’t control – worries about aging, hormonal changes which men also experience, etc.
Deal with the new financial information with legal and financial help. Stay strong and focused; this is your life to work out, based on your needs and professional advice, along with the support of friends and family.
Online dating only works well and comfortably if you have the right mindset for being “tested,” and testing others.
It can otherwise be disappointing and emotionally battering. Avoid it until you feel ready. Meanwhile, stay active, and add to your part-time work outlet by joining community activities, an interest group, or course, and volunteering.
All will keep you engaged with little time to dwell on the past, while out meeting new people for an interesting life now.
I’m 23, working in my second year at a large company that recruited me right after university. Now I’m trying to attend graduate school but am conflicted.
My company will pay for me to go back to school part-time, and I just started the process to get promoted to the next level in the company.
However, I know this is not a company that I want to stay with long-term.
I’m being pressured by family to stay with the company and do the degree part-time online to avoid loan debt.
But with no clear aspirations, I feel that full-time school will give me time to better understand what I want to do.
Also, how do you ask for a recommendation from your boss for a grad-school application while I'm going through the advancement process?
These are practical decisions either way, not impossible dreams. But, if study full-time with little savings and no company support, debt will become a serious stress factor that’ll interfere with your goals.
If the company’s offering you help, PLUS advancing you, getting a recommendation is a snap.
As for leaving them later… all companies take that risk when promoting good people. And you can’t be sure of your plans after the influences of attending grad school part-time.
Don’t see this as Parents vs. Young Dreamer. It’s your future. Make a decision based on what you can handle, practically and realistically.
I'm in Grade 8. Last year, one of two guys I liked asked me out.
We dated for two months. I had my first kiss with him. He constantly said, “I love you.”
But he broke up with me when some girl asked him to the dance.
Then I dated someone else, but still had feelings for him. I hugged him on his birthday. He dumped his girlfriend for me. Then school ended.
This year I didn't talk to him for a month. I was tired of getting hurt.
He asked me out again. Now I'm wondering why I can't let go of him.
Could he be my first love?
Young First Love can be both thrilling and painful because you’re both attracted to each other, then to others, bold, then shy, excited then hurt. It rarely lasts.
So enjoy it when together, but keep your limits. Anything more is tough to handle at your age.
Tip of the day:
Don’t let rejection define your experiences. Move on, having learned to create your future.