I’m 31, and have dated my first girlfriend for a month.
Finding a girlfriend wasn’t my ultimate priority (I have a fulfilling social and professional life); still I dreamt about the day it’d finally happen. But now, old self-esteem issues are surfacing again.
I feel unworthy of her, I feel the next guy must be a better choice, and I keep expecting her to call or to e-mail to be about dumping me.
I can’t shake these thoughts, and they’re tearing me apart inside. That sounds like a recipe for rookie mistakes, so I’m all the more anxious.

- Insecure in Quebec

Get a grip on who you really are – a guy who’s been socially and professionally successful. That means you do know how to be assertive, confident, compromising when necessary, sensitive to others… in other words, you have all the qualities needed for boyfriend behaviour.
The latter isn’t that different from getting along in other relationships, it just calls for greater sensitivity to the needs of one main other person, plus willingness to adapt and even modify your own behaviour if it’s of benefit to both of you as a couple.
Above all, don’t let these insecure thoughts dominate your focus. Usually, they come from stuff in the past that has nothing to do with your current situation or this girlfriend.
Needy is unhealthy to a relationship. If you get overcome by anxieties, see a therapist.

I left my ex-husband because of years of his verbal abuse and neglect. Some of his family saw this, but decided to turn a blind eye.
A new man is the love of my life; my kids adore him and his gentle manner. However, my ex’s family has shown such animosity towards me that it’s

embarrassing. His sister degrades people and it’s demeaning.
My son, 12, informed me that she wants to take him on holidays (she has no children of her own) but I don’t think it’s healthy for him to hear his Aunt rant and rave about me. It’s not his job to defend his mother.
Also, she won’t talk to me, so what if I need to contact my son?

- Concerned Mom

You have the right of refusal if you feel something is unhealthy for your child, physically or emotionally. Unfortunately, through your ex-husband, the boy may still be exposed to this acid-tongued aunt. He’s old enough for you to tell him that, while he doesn’t have to fight to defend you, he also doesn’t have to listen.
If relatives start to badmouth you, he can excuse himself without having to respond, or he can say, “I don’t want to be part of this.” Tell your son you feel that a holiday would allow too much time for Auntie’s negativity to directly discomfort him. And that it’s irresponsible for you to permit a situation where you can’t reach him.
He can choose to vacation with her when he’s an older teen, not easily swayed or made miserable

I’ve been going to the same good hairdresser for years; however, she’s now getting a divorce, which I hear about during every appointment.
How can I politely tell her to zip it and just do my hair?

- Captive Audience

If, like most hair salon clients, you always talked about yourself, let it be her turn for a while. Surely there’s some compassion left in your roots. She’ll soon tire of her own story, too.
OR, if she chooses to live on it, find another stylist, and pretend to sleep in the chair.

I’m a new mother-in-law, 64, who’s put up with a lot from my daughter-in-law.
Whatever I do isn’t good enough for her. I’m clean, neat and help with everything. So why doesn’t she appreciate me?
I update my knowledge and education, both for work and for myself. I’m a nurse, but she doesn’t listen to any of my advice. She thinks it’s too old

for her generation.
Why does the mother-in-law always have a bad name?

- Bad Attitude in British Columbia

There are many wonderful mother-in-laws, and many daughters-in-law who love and appreciate them; but they’re not the ones complaining of problems.
Now, regarding your situation: Some “new” daughters-in-law are intimidated by competent older women whom they fear will still have a hold on their sons, the new husbands. So they overreact.
Best not to try too hard to be liked, and not to give advice unless asked.