My fiancé has a female best friend who’s also his sort-of-coach and business partner.
They meet weekly for several hours and have a relationship that we don’t, but without sex.
He’s told her everything and they think their souls are aligned because they’re often thinking similar things.
I accidentally read about a dream he had about her - that she was his partner and suddenly she became me.
They’re starting a business and she’s helping him, he’s investing heavily in it. She always agrees with what he says and also makes him see, indirectly, how I’m not very helpful for his dreams.
I feel very jealous and disappointed that I don’t have this close relationship with him. Also, while he’s so intimately attached to her, I haven’t a chance to get really close.
I told him that eventually he has to make a choice.
He just dumped me.
You and he both could see where this was going, and he apparently did nothing to reassure you or confess to a change in his feelings.
Jealousy saps your energy and your self-confidence. It’s better to be finished with him, than to continue accepting their closeness and her competition with you.
To plan a marriage with someone so involved with a different “soul-mate,” would’ve become unbearable.
Consider him dumped, because your good sense should be telling you that it’s far healthier emotionally for you to move on.
I’m a Grade 9 student (age 13-14) and am very thin, and weak. I'm continuously feeling below everybody else because I’m not very strong and would be beaten easily by anyone my age – I weigh less than 70 pounds.
There’s a very strong boy in my class – he weighs about 160 pounds, but isn’t tall. He likes to wrestle skinny kids, and usually preys on me.
He enjoys taunting me for my physical weakness almost any time he can. If we’re in a secluded corner of the park at recess, he’d tell me to undress and then force me to the ground or outlast me in struggle.
Or, when everyone else has gone off the school bus, he’ll lead me to the back and push me against the wall or a seat.
I sense that the other boys sometimes find pleasure in seeing our matches. The girls usually dismiss this situation, saying things like "you should be a man", or "survival of the fittest.”
The bullying is most likely also related to a girl he’s recently won over. She probably likes me because I'm a "poor little shy boy" but she’s always been very kind until now.
None of the adults are much help either. It’s not easy for me to speak out about this, with my clear strength disadvantage. How should I inform my tormentor of my discomfort without blowing it up into a huge issue?
You’re actually mentally strong and courageous to have tried to deal with this on your own. It’s little comfort now, but I predict you’ll outdo this bully in many ways in the not-far-off future.
But for now, you must seek support. There must be zero tolerance for bullying in schools and society.
However, reaction among young people can be lax, due to fear for themselves and immaturity.
Talk to your parents and have them – or another trusted adult – go with you to your school principal. Bring a list of incidents that have happened with this tormentor. If nothing’s done, contact the school board chairperson.
Staying silent isn’t protecting you or others.
I’m a man, 46, never married, caring for my mother, 81, in a one-bedroom apartment for ten years.
I work a manual labour job, then cook, shop, do laundry, while she only watches TV, and complains.
I want my freedom.
A niece living 120 miles away would take her, but my mom says she’ll die there.
My sister won’t care for her due to their past abusive relationship.
When I’ve suggested Mom live with her granddaughter, she’s threatened suicide.
My chronic depression’s become crippling.
Shall I just leave and never speak to my family again?
See your doctor immediately to treat your depression, and a therapist for help making decisions you can handle.
Contact community caregiver services for the elderly (free or subsidized). Ignore your mother’s protests, and insist you need relief.
Consider this: The niece can provide a periodic week or month’s break for you. Mom won’t “die” there. She’ll just complain.
Tip of the day:
Move on, rather than live with jealousy draining your self-esteem.