I’m the third wife of a man who was diagnosed with obsessive-compulsive personality disorder (OCPD) years ago.
Every seven months he has rage episodes - saying he’s depressed, hates life, and wants to leave me.
He apologizes the next day, saying he loves me.
This has been going on since I met him, worsening after we married.
I’m now losing all faith and security in the relationship.
He goes from job to job, never working full- time, and constantly complaining about me.
I work full-time and have supported him in every one of his short-lived endeavours.
He’s rigid in his lifestyle, demands a certain diet, won’t change anything.
He won’t see a doctor or take any medication. He will not seek counselling for himself.
I don't think I can last much longer.
However, I'm devastated over how much I've given him for this relationship to work.
You’ve done your best but forgot to seek your own support.
Though he’s the one with the condition, you also need counselling.
It’ll help you understand the limits of what you can do or accept, especially when he refuses any changes that might improve your life together.
However, you must’ve loved him and believed you could surmount some of these issues, when you married him.
Counselling will also help you conclude how to best withdraw from the relationship when and if you’re ready to leave.
My daughter has three children, ages five, two and one. Yet her husband disappears without warning for several days, leaving my daughter to scramble with daycare, etc.
I’m unsure if she stays with him because she has low self- esteem, or if she’s trying to make the best of a bad situation.
She has a great job and could be self-sufficient if she had reliable daycare, but continues to take him back.
I’m usually called upon to help out with the kids.
The rest of the family wants nothing to do with the father while he continues to treat our daughter this way.
I know that if she had the chance to leave she would, but moving in with us would only create more stress for my husband and me.
I don’t want my health to suffer because of him.
Is it better or worse that she stay until the kids are a little older, or try and make it on her own and have me help out almost every day and on the weekends?
I work full-time and my husband doesn’t want me to retire for three years so we can first pay down some of our expenses.
I feel like I’m paying for my daughter’s and her husband’s decisions, but I do also get to enjoy being with the little ones.
The first decision rests with your daughter.
She won’t leave him until she’s angry enough that he’ll never change, or sure she can handle her job and the kids without him.
Help out whenever you can. But pace yourself in order to stay healthy. Worrying is draining your energies and isn’t changing anything.
Your daughter needs to organize whatever she can for the expected absences of her husband – e.g. arranging for more daycare coverage in advance, finding another part-time babysitter for when you can’t make it, etc.
This is how she’ll learn that she can manage, without him.
Meanwhile, a grandmother’s role is a privilege but not if it’s taken for granted. Do what you can, not what you feel pushed into doing.
I'm a male, 26, single, make a good salary, but still live at home.
My one relationship when I was 20 lasted two years.
We met at work, so I didn’t have to introduce myself to her.
With online dating I'm quite shy at introducing myself.
There’s a girl in my workplace who I see more often at the gym. But I don't want to interrupt her or say the wrong thing.
A smile, “Hi, how’s it going?” can be said as you pass her exercising.
All you need back is a smile or comment, not a conversation.
Next time, ask if she has time for a cold drink before getting back to work.
Shyness is often considered attractive. So use it rather than hide.
Try meetupgroups.com and join a group that shares an interest of yours. You’ll get practice at meeting new people without the pressure of a date.
Tip of the day:
When living with a difficult partner, seek your own support to manage or leave.