My father and I never got along. He’s an immigrant to North America who lost his job 12 years ago, and has been unemployed instead of finding work and helping support us and our needs (i.e. post-secondary education).

He started becoming nasty, and when we made a mistake, he’d go crazy with a verbal lashing.

He gave me no platform to meet his expectations, which shot at my self-esteem.

He’s also a control freak.

I’ve lost all respect for him and stopped calling him “Dad.”

I understand he’s taking his frustrations at unemployment out on us, but I’m sick of him doing that to my mother, sister and myself. The least he could do is give me some space, given that I’ve done almost everything with little to no contribution from him.

My hatred for him has distracted me from performing at my best.

I know I need counselling, but I’m also thousands of dollars in debt.

- Bitter and confused

The saddest part of your story is that you’re following your father’s poor example by letting bitterness cramp your life. And like him, too, you’re focused on blaming outside circumstances – his failings as a father.

Obviously, you have been able at times to rise above your family troubles and get ahead, somewhat. If you’re stumped now, recognize that YOU are the one who’s decided you can’t go further, just as he did about getting a job.

The reality is that moving to another country was a traumatic experience for him from which he never recovered enough to surmount his job loss.

Yes, you’ve had negative influences, but not the trauma of uprooting from everything familiar. Get a grip, and improve your life on your own.

I’ve been living with this guy for seven years, and always caught him downloading pornography. He thinks nothing’s wrong with it.

He asked me if I’d rather he go to strip joints and hang out at bars.

Am I wrong to be upset?

Our sex life sucks.

He’s 61, I’m 52.

He said if I want sex that I should initiate it, but he’s as cold as a fish. What can I do to put the fire back in our relationship?

He doesn’t go out and spends most of his time on the computer.

I’m a cancer survivor; when he helped care for me, I felt he does really love me, which he frequently says. But now he thinks I’m all better and he’s cold again.

He’s still legally married and never mentions if he’ll file for divorce.

We argue constantly which is unhealthy as I get stressed.

Do I continue this relationship?

- Chilled

There’s more missing here than the “fire.”

Your man does not seem to know how to have a loving relationship, though he did step up when you needed him most. But daily life has to be more satisfying and less stressful than you two are experiencing.

Since you’re considering that you could end the relationship, tell him so. Say that you don’t accept arguments and lack of intimacy as a steady way of life.

He needs to know that his obsession with porn is interfering with warmth and a healthy sex life between you.

If he thinks that’s fine, then you need to make it clear it’s NOT fine with you.

Having The Talk and risking a break-up is less damaging to your self-esteem and peace of mind than living with these problems.

My boyfriend of four years ended our relationship because he felt it had flat-lined.

We work in the same office, I bump into him everyday.

Though we ended on a good note, I don’t know how to act around him.

Currently, we don’t talk to each other except for terse greetings.

Sometimes I want to chat because I miss him, but I don’t know if it’s a good idea.

Can ex’s really be friends?

- Unsure

It’s possible to be friends with an ex, but usually it takes time until both parties feel comfortable with this.

Your boyfriend may fear that if he chats with you, he’ll be sending the wrong message of wanting to re-connect as before.

Also, if other co-workers know your situation, he may not want people to think you’re back together.

Smile when you see him and give a neutral but less tense greeting. Hopefully, he’ll relax too.