I met him online as occasional chat buddies, met in person after two months, and slept together seven times in four months.

We haven’t seen each other for 45 days now.

He has a son, age eight; I have two teenage daughters. He used to message me every other day, but now it’s five days before I’ll hear from him.

Mostly, the text conversation always turns sexual.

It’s good that we trust to be that comfortable with each other, but bad that I feel like his mistress, or just a booty call.

I’m 41, he’s 44; both too old to be playing games. I’m starting to have feelings.

How do I start a conversation to know what I am to him? Though he invites me in on the weekends that he’s free, I say I can't.

I want a relationship, but I’m not sure if he wants it. So I was trying to withdraw, but it’s unfair to him.

How will I tell him my feelings? I give him hints, like I want somebody full time, not a part timer... and he texts back with LOL.

So Confused

As you said, no games. Tell him you’re developing feelings for him and would like to know his response.

Say that you know (and you should) that it’s too early to expect commitment, but you want to know if you’re more than a booty call or a convenience.

You need to be clear, not just hint around. His LOL was a way to avoid answering you before. Now, without pressuring him, you have to say you’re not willing to be “on call” if that’s all this is.

Four months isn’t long for occasional dating/sex. But 45 days apart is long enough to warrant the question.

All of my closest friends are married and half of them are expecting a child. As a 32-year-old man, my longest relationship (five months) ended nearly four years ago.

I'm not very good at knowing how to meet new people without seeming to force the situation, which in turn can put them off.  Online dating has also been extremely frustrating to say the least.

So there's absolutely no indication that I will find someone who makes me happy (and vice versa).

Instead of asking for advice on meeting a woman, I'd like to know if there's anything I can do to prepare myself for what surely seems to be a lonely future.

There's nothing I'd like more than to find that partner and have a child or two, but time's ticking. I just don't see myself being happy without the foundation for a nuclear family.

Bleak Prospect

Preparing yourself is a wise idea, but only if you stop predicting a lonely future. Instead, get pro-active about finding some friends who aren’t all immersed in marriage and babies (though stay connected with old pals too and ask for help outside their immediate circle, e.g. work, in broadening your network).

Then get out to any event or venue where people gather and you have some interest – sports, music, art, books, and film – and make conversation.

This isn’t about finding The One. It’s to make friendly contacts who may in time introduce you to that one woman whom you start to date and plan ahead.

Meanwhile, these efforts to socialize in untried areas with new people will take the word “lonely” out of your musings and give your confidence and communication a boost that can change your outlook. And improve your chances at developing that nuclear family you desire.

 

I feel a thunderbolt struck me and my love says it’s mutual. I’m single; he’s married, but says he’s only stayed for his kids.

A week after he met me he told his wife it’s over, but agreed to get counselling. I feel that if they’re working on their marriage, I should just bow out. I don’t want to say that as an ultimatum, but I feel he has to know. Your thoughts?

Won’t Be The Other Woman

If he’s intent on leaving his wife, the counselling process can help the whole family, but ONLY if he’s clear to his wife and the therapist that he’s seeking help with separating amicably. Also, with setting up communication about parenting the kids while apart.

If he doesn’t state all this, he’s leading his wife (and perhaps himself) into thinking they’ll work through their issues. And they might. So bowing out would be wise self-preservation for you.