I’m a university student with many friends in my program, plus a particular affinity for one girl.

I’ve hesitated to react to these feelings, not for fear of rejection, but for fear of creating social awkwardness within our close group. Subtle signs indicate that she may feel the same way; e.g. if there’s a choice between who to sit beside, she would always sit beside me.

Furthermore, we’d occasionally leave the group and go out to lunch by ourselves. Are these signs enough to risk potentially jeopardizing our friendship?

Are there any indicators I could look out for, which would illustrate her feelings towards me? Or, are my feelings hopeless?

- “Hopeless Romantic”

You must be blinking when the signs are winking, because you’ve already mentioned two of those “indicators” you’ve wondered about.

Your romantic feelings may be full of hope, but how is she to know if you keep them under wraps?

Seize your opportunities: Next time when you’re alone for lunch, gently raise the topic of seeing each other again, perhaps for a movie or dinner.

By not including the group, she’ll get the message that you’re talking about a “date.”

If she hesitates or suggests inviting others along, she just wants to be friends.

As you said yourself, that’s not a rejection, just a way of keeping the status quo among your social group.

My boyfriend and I began living together 10 months ago – a situation that he suggested first, then dithered about before I moved in.

When I occasionally bring up where our relationship’s going, he comes up excuses about why he’s unsure about me.

Recently, he said the sexual chemistry is no longer there for him. I got that feeling from him lately.

He says aside from that, everything’s great and it’s just his commitment issues. But when he mentioned the lack of chemistry, I considered moving out because I want to be in control of myself and not just wait for him to figure things out.

My biggest regret in past relationships is that I stayed too long. But he insisted that I stay and that we can work this out.

We considered going to therapy but have put it off for now.

He’s indecisive about a lot of things in his life (jobs, where to live etc.) so should I give him more time to figure this out?

- Unsure

If both of you remain this uncertain about what’s going on, the likely scenario is that you two will soon drift apart.

Instead, go with your instinct and move out. He’s been making you walk on eggshells about your relationship, from the start… and frankly, the “no-chemistry” line, coupled with “stay, everything else is great,” is demeaning to you.

Ask yourself this: What’s great about having a boyfriend who doesn’t want to make love to you?

Seeking therapy together is a chance at finding out the cause of his commitment phobia and whether he can overcome it; but since neither of you have the gumption to push for this, leaving him is better than waiting around for his next excuse.

Whenever we argue, my girlfriend just backs down and says, “Okay, you win,” and that just leaves me frustrated and feeling foolish.

Is that fair fighting?

- Annoyed

She’s either a clever strategist who knows how to defuse a conflict without really “losing,” or she’s a committed peacemaker. Either way, why are you so eager to fight?

My boyfriend is controlled by his judgmental mother, who often manipulates him through a “guilt trip.”

Though she never says I’m not good enough for him, she devalues the time he spends with me.

My boyfriend, who lives at home, doesn’t stand up to her.

I want him to tell her to ease off, and for him to make his own decisions!

Can you help me to help him?

- Concerned

Do NOT replace his mother as the one who’s “manipulating” him in another direction. Unless he recognizes that he must stand up to her about what he wants, you’ll always have a weak guy and “in-law” troubles.

He needs to talk to her alone, to reassure her that he loves her but to firmly state that he’s planning toward living independently from her, but including you as his partner.

He has to help himself, before you two can be a team.