My closest guy friend has been dating someone younger than us. We’re both 33, she’s 27.
I’ve tried to be nice to her but she’s not interested in getting to know me.
This is a problem for my friend and me as we’ve been hanging out for years.
We even rented a house together in college along with two other guys and a girl dating one of them.
But we’ve stayed the closest, until his current romance.
I think she may be jealous. My friend used to joke that we were each other’s “fallback,” if we both aren’t married by 35.
This new girlfriend seems serious about him, and pretty controlling. She decides where they’re going out, who else with, etc.
He goes along with her wishes, even though he still tries to find time to hang out with me.
Should I fight for our friendship to survive, with or without her? How can I convince her that I’m not the enemy?
His Controlling Girlfriend
Those college days of roomies and besties are over. The new girlfriend wants “her” guy to herself.
She likely suspects that you two have been, or could be, lovers.
If you’re truly caring of your longtime friend, examine your own “fallback” thoughts.
Have you been quietly taking this for granted, and now feel worried that you may be left behind?
Or, have you taken the friendship for granted and not listened closely enough to recognize that he’s going along with what she wants.
Be the friend you say you are. Talk to him. You both need to respect his new relationship and see where it goes.
If she’s jealous of you, he won’t be able to reassure her that you’re just a friend, until she feels secure with him.
Give them space.
I’m 60, single, pretty attractive, in good shape. I’ve met a man, 55.
I worked for his wife 20 years ago but didn’t know him then. They married and split several years ago, but stayed close.
She became very ill and died two years ago. I reached out to say how sorry I was. Several months later, he reached out and we met online.
We fell in love. It was intense but wonderful for 15 months. He told me he “loved” me. We talked about moving in, maybe even marrying.
Unfortunately, during that time, his close relative was murdered.
Now he says he still loves me but needs to be by himself.
He thinks he should focus on his career, finances, his parents, etc. Neither of us have kids.
I know I have to move on but am wondering if he might look back and come back. Or, was I just the rebound after his ex-wife died?
I never thought I’d fall in love at 60 and now I feel that was my last chance.
What are your thoughts on this?
Loved and Lost
He suffered an unexpected loss, and then was hit with a shocking tragedy. It’s not uncommon for someone to react to a double whammy of emotions by retreating into what’s most basic, steady, and familiar in life. His job, his security of finances, his aging parents.
He’s shaken, wary of change. He may still love you… but the future’s unknown.
Stay in whatever contact he can handle, but don’t push him. You haven’t “lost” all that you shared.
It may turn into a friendship, or a love that sustains you both without marrying, or… who knows?
I’m a personal trainer. A client of mine recently invited me to his son's wedding. I was touched at being included, and accepted the invitation.
My problem is that I’m currently on a very tight budget and I honestly can't afford a proper wedding gift.
But I believe that a guest must give the bride and groom something appropriate.
What should I do? Or must I tell my client that I can’t attend?
Think creatively and you’ll realize that you have the means for giving a perfect gift.
A nicely packaged certificate for a free training session for each of the bride and groom, gives generously of your own time and spirit.
It only takes an hour for each, of your donated time, which you can offer to fit in at the convenience of everyone, e.g. when none of you have to be at work.
That way, you wouldn’t be missing out on your much-needed income.
Tip of the day:
When a best friend finds romance, it’s about that person’s happiness, not about being left behind.