I’m in my first year of high-school and really like this guy. However, he’s a senior and will probably never acknowledge me. He’s from a different school. We've never talked, but I've seen him at basketball games.
I'm not sure if he knows me but when I followed him on Twitter a week ago he followed me back.
I always think about him. There’ve been rumours that he’s talking to another girl who already graduated.
What do I do about this without looking like a stalker or some little kid who has a crush on him.
You’re not just “some little kid” when in your own world, but you do have a crush on a guy you don’t know, doesn’t know you, and may be attached.
That’s pretty common for a crush, and if he doesn’t respond, it’s not a rejection of YOU as a person.
It’s special to start to have feelings and to dream, so long as you do NOT build unrealistic expectations, or imagine false hurts from someone who exists mostly in your mind.
Do nothing unless there’s a real, and casual opportunity to smile and say hello. He may not respond, don’t be embarrassed. The crush won’t last.
COMMENTARY - I’d hoped to have a happy, healthy relationship with my mother. Unfortunately, she recently issued an ultimatum and made all kinds of meritless accusations about me and my choices in life.
(I’m not doing anything illegal; I’m healthy and happy with good diet, exercise, mediation, volunteer activities, and friends).
She doesn’t see any of this, but instead has gotten herself into a panic about a job process that I’m on, which is taking longer than she’d like.
I’ve shared what information I can with her and tried to re-assure her that it’s moving forward and that the management’s very impressed with me. But this wasn’t good enough for her.
I’ve decided that I deserve better than this, even if it’s done out of “love.”
I’ve been through a lot, including completing breast cancer treatment in the last two years, and come through it all very well with a clean bill of health.
I’m sad that I won’t be able to have a relationship with my mom, but I’ve done the best I can.
I have to respect my desire for healthy, happy relationships, and I don’t deserve her toxicity in my life.
I’ve learned better ways to deal with the stress in life and I’m happy to share what’s worked for me and my experiences.
Basically, my mother tried to force her agenda/way of doing things on me and I’ve walked away. Her way is not my way.
I’ve used the experiences with her and trying to have a healthy relationship to make me a better person. But she’s crossed the line this time. I’ve forgiven her, but this time it’s just done and over.
Ellie - Having a child’s life threatened by cancer must be extremely hard on a parent, no matter that the “child” is an adult.
Perhaps the resulting anxiety has heightened her worries for you in other areas too, such as your job opportunities.
I understand your reaction if her dealings with you regularly feel toxic. If, however, her intrusions escalated with your illness, then her deeper fears for you may be to blame.
She needs to understand that crossing the line threatens your having any relationship at all.
Tell her straight up. A break in contact can be helpful to both of you.
FEEDBACK Regarding the male high-school student upset about demeaning comments from guys about girls (Dec. 12 and Jan. 9):
Reader – “More males should feel as he does. I sympathize with his concern about being ostracised if he spoke out in the locker room, but the fact is that their behaviour has already distanced him, otherwise, why would he be writing?
“Instead of seeing this as a problem to be navigated without loss, he might see it as an opportunity.
“He can say to his peers, "I feel uncomfortable when you talk about our classmates like that. It seems very disrespectful towards the women in the class, and a little childish."
“It's likely that many will agree. This is an opportunity to demonstrate leadership, and teach his classmates something.
“Maybe someone counters that he’s a gay wuss, to which the response is, "Using homosexuality as a putdown is also disrespectful and childish."
Tip of the day:
A young crush is a learning experience, but unrealistic expectations make it hurtful.