I'm a male who never tried high-priced dating services, but used a free one and one that costs but not too much. The dates I went on through free connections never panned out, maybe because the matches were too "general”, but on the other site I got overwhelmed with potential "matches" - new ones were arriving daily, even though I hadn't had a chance to sift through my "original" matches!
Until age 31, I never had a long-term relationship, the longest lasting three weeks before I realized I'd rather spend time with friends then with my so-called "girlfriend."
Sure, I despaired a little, but I kept going. At 31, I met a girl while on a business trip in Mexico. I figured "let's date, I'll probably be tired with her after the usual two-to-three weeks,” but here we are two years later, engaged, and planning our wedding. We couldn't be happier.
My story shows that a dating site – expensive or otherwise - might work, it might not. You can sign up, and run into the person of your dreams the next day at the hot dog stand.
Found Love in Mexico
Much about “finding love” has to do with timing. Though some romances start with an unexpected lightning bolt, and others take months/years to grow, people aren’t always ready to receive love, let alone give it.
How you feel about yourself, where you’re positioned with job and responsibilities, have a place along with chemistry, affecting when you “fall” for someone.
Joining the dating sites still might’ve been more positive than you realize. Writing your own profile and reading others can help people define who they are and what they want in a mate.
My husband’s a high-ranking officer in the US military in command of about 1,000 individuals. He’s worked very hard to achieve this position and is highly respected by his peers and the men he leads.
Yet his family treats him like he’s still a child. Soon, there’ll be a formal ceremony to mark his Change of Command. My in-laws will attend and are certain to embarrass him.
They insist on calling him by his unusual childhood nickname in public (he cringes), talk down to him, and give him gifts meant for children such as books for teenage boys, and now a child's piggy bank which they intend to present to him publicly.
These gifts are not jokes and my husband’s always gracious but horrified on the inside. Is there some way to remind his family that he’s an adult and has earned the right to be treated like one?
Proud Military Spouse
It’s unlikely these people can change, and very likely that they’re lost in a time warp for some reason, e.g. never accepted that they “lost” their son, and/or feel more connected to him this way (yes, it’s odd, but so are lots of ways people behave).
These encounters clearly embarrass you too. So, if there’s a third party who can deftly manage the scene, it might save both you and your husband from some discomfort.
Example: If you have a child or young relative old enough to handle staying close by and taking the gift from them because “he can’t walk around with it.” Or an adult relative/friend who can distract them with conversation since obviously, “he’ll have to talk to so many people.”
Remember, no one else takes their unusual choice of gift or even the nickname as seriously as you two do.
In my early 30s, I joined a dating agency but had no success. I attended parties and church functions - no luck. I decided to rely on meeting the right girl by chance.
At 42, I’d given an address at the UN headquarters in Geneva and decided to travel part way up Mt. Blanc in France. I didn't know what train platform in Geneva would get me on the right train but an approaching conductor told me.
A Japanese woman also wanted to go there, heard me ask the question, but didn't hear the conductor's reply.
So she followed me to our destination, with me as her unsuspecting guide. I soon fell in love with her and we married six months later. We’ve been married 37 years; have two daughters, and five grandchildren. Sometimes meeting a mate by chance really is a good way. I’m now 79.
Ellie – A lovely story of patience, self-confidence, plus “chance.”
Tip of the day:
If you use a dating site, don’t expect instant miracle matches or love at first email.