To friends and family, my boyfriend of four and a half years and I are the perfect couple.
He’s a gentleman, very kind, funny and has an excellent job.
He’s been incredibly emotionally supportive through my depression (three years ago), and the death of several family members.
I’ve been having second thoughts about our relationship and can't tell if I’m being petty or falling into depression again.
I recently got promoted but am unhappy in my new role. We’ve been spending less time together because I’m working late or networking.
Also, there are four days weekly when each of us is doing something without the other.
He’s a competitive roller derby skater and I’m a dancer.
I don't want to play roller derby, and he doesn't want to dance.
On weekends I attend additional dance classes.
We don't share many interests so our time together is mundane (watching movies, spending time with family and eating).
I want to share a passion with him.
But even when we travel I want to climb the highest mountain and he’s afraid of heights (literally and figuratively).
I feel emotionally attached to him and would be heartbroken to break up.
However, I also feel sad that we touch each other less, flirt less, and I can no longer imagine growing old with him.
Clear the clutter.
Too many details are clouding your ability to look at the big picture.
It’s threatening to result in depression, which is partly a way to hide from making big decisions.
Get back to whichever therapist helped you last time. Or find someone now.
Then put aside the job concerns – either it’ll get less demanding as you settle into it, or you’ll eventually seek a different one.
Give up one or two of your dance involvements, for now. This doesn’t mean negating your passion… just giving the relationship a re-look.
Your boyfriend also has to trim his schedule, once you explain that too much time apart is interfering with your relationship’s growth.
Once you’re addressing these issues instead of just worrying about them, it’s also time for couples’ counselling.
You both need to consider whether there’s enough connection for the long run. You didn’t mention “love.” Find out why.
Before my husband and I married, we spent all of our time with his grandparents with whom he lived. I became close to them, too.
Now, we’re married and he’s moved in with me. So whenever we visit his grandparents, even if just picking up something, we spend hours because they miss him so much. It's the same with phone calls.
My mom lives three hours away. My husband’s fine with how much she visits, stays, and calls.
But each time he gets stolen away by his grandparents, I get upset and even get short with them, though I love them and have always been nice with them.
How do I cultivate a better attitude like the one I had when we were dating?
-“Alone time” is very important to couples newly living together, and resenting too much intrusion is somewhat natural.
Instead of beating up on yourself, talk to your husband about scheduling a regular weekly visiting time with his grandparents.
That way they have the reassurance of seeing you both. Anything that needs picking up can wait another few days.
Except for emergencies, a mid-week phone call from him to check in and ask how they’re doing, helps them adjust to the new routine.
My divorced mother met a man online two years ago. He’s sold his house and moved here. They’re planning to marry soon.
I want to be happy for her, she says she really loves him.
But he’s constantly telling her what to wear, what to buy, and he acts like I’m the intruder, though I’m planning to move out when they marry.
I’m 26 and have a job. It’s just taking me time to find a place to rent and Mom wasn’t pushing me out. But now he is.
Should I warn her that he’s too controlling?
Talk to your mom but don’t sound loud alarms. She’s unlikely to be unaware of what’s going on.
Mention your feeling that he’s pushing you out.
Your relationship will be strained if she doesn’t insist that he be patient.
But you need to see this as a natural, healthy progress in your own life and not delay the move.
Tip of the day:
Make sure you’re not busying your life to avoid confronting the state of your relationship.