I’ve read the many letters you get from people saying their partners cheated on them and they'll never be able to trust or love them again. I now find myself in the situation of having the opportunity to cheat, but I know I won't go through with it because I have a plan.

My husband and I are friends with another couple, and there’ve been undeniable sparks between the other husband and me for several months.

He often makes excuses to drop by when he knows I'm home alone. Whenever we have a game night he suggests the two of us team up against our spouses. If we're alone in a room he'll find an opportunity (totally manufactured and unnecessary) to brush up against me.

He’s very appealing to me, and if we were both single I'd be on him like a dirty shirt, but I know what's at stake and refuse to be party to destroying our families. I love my husband dearly, even if most of the thrill is gone, and I know he’d be devastated if I ever cheated.

My strategy to avoid cheating is this: a) steer clear of this couple when possible, without making it seem weird; b) not be alone with the man, if our families have to be together; and c) try to reawaken the spark with my husband so that I can channel all this physical tension productively. Do you have more tips?

Staying Faithful

Your last point is first with me - actively pursue ways to fire up your intimacy, and your communication about it. Remember some of the romantic turn-ons from the past, talk about them, giggle together, and start to plan opportunities to repeat whatever’s possible.

It can be as simple as a once-weekly wake-up an hour earlier for sex, as finding each other in the shower, and the more complicated planning of a one-night hotel booking for you two, while enlisting kids’ sleepover help.

Avoidance of this man is wise, but if you focus too much on it, he’s still in your mind. Think of his wife and kids, instead. Get busy with other friends and explain to them that you’re over-scheduled for awhile. He’ll get the message that way.

I’m a male who three years ago instigated a falling out with a close friend. She never saw it coming and was hurt. We haven't spoken since, but I’ve always felt guilty for not fully explaining my motives, and doing it while she was mourning her late father.

She needed support, and I misled her by believing I could fill a role. As we grew closer, I realized we had little in common. So I killed the friendship.
I’m thinking of reaching out, not to reconcile, but to give her the opportunity to chew me out or get answers. Is there any point after all this time? Whenever we cross paths on the street we both seem to recoil. I believe she’s otherwise bounced back and moved on with her life.

Uncertain

Leave her alone. Your original motive was very misguided. No matter how little you had in common, you could certainly have remained kind at the time of her loss. You didn’t.

Now, your current motive, to let her chew you out, seems, frankly, somewhat self-serving. There’s no future friendship there. Besides, if she wanted to harangue you, she could’ve done so already.

She’s moved past this incident, and so should you.

FEEDBACK Regarding the worried mother with the diabetic son, 33, who’s buying a house (August 8):

Reader – “It sounds like the girlfriend wants that particular house because it’s some distance from her future mother-in-law. I don't think “Worried” wants her son to move out - ever!

“The girlfriend should end the relationship and move on. She's desperate to leave her own mother's house, but there are easier ways than to move in with a man with serious health issues, especially when his mother doesn't like her.

“From my own observations and personal experience, I'm convinced that parents always find fault with the living accommodation their child and his/her partner choose together (against the parents’ advice). They always blame the partner for the perceived deficiencies in their choice.”

Been There

Yes, the couple needs distance from hovering Mom, but if they love each other they can both benefit from this relationship.