I am what my Master calls a Submissive Queen.
I’m 100% open and honest with men I date about who and what I want.
I’ve chosen men carefully after very deep conversations.
They want to be part of a world where they can have their fantasies, plus their normal lives.
I’ve created rules and if one is broken I’ll never see the man again.
I’m in full control of who will dominate me, with different levels for each man.
But some people feel I should keep all this quiet.
My real friends accept me. They respect that I can be a normal mother for my son and teach him to respect women.
Yet, I fear that my ex-husband will discover my secret lifestyle, though it only happens during my private time, when my son is with his father.
But if he finds out, he’ll twist it; make it dirty, disgusting, abusive, and destructive. He’ll somehow force me to be separated from my son.
I don’t even know what advice I’m seeking.
You present your self-styled version of “50 Shades of Grey” to boast your independence.
But you’re conflicted, knowing it can affect the most important part of your life – your mother-son relationship.
His father may discover your “secret”… friends, sex partners, and even so-called Masters gossip.
He will see it as you describe - unhealthy for his son to know about his mother.
Your sex life with consenting partners is not my business. But I see the red flags: As the constant “Submissive,” you risk someone physically harming you. It’ll be too late to rely on your “rules.”
As a free agent, you could play any role you want.
But as a parent, you’re playing with fire that could divide you from your child. And you know it.
My husband and I are early 50's with three teenage sons. There’s been no affection between us for 12 years.
After constant rejection, I gave up on even hugging and hand-holding.
My husband’s now morbidly obese, short-tempered, does little around the house.
I also work full-time and get home two hours later. He’s usually playing video games, hasn’t started dinner, nor spent time with the kids.
He IS trustworthy and reliable. But I don't feel any love, just a sense of our earlier history.
I have no assets, his family’s well off. I don't want to live without my kids, but I can't afford to live in this area on my own. I don't know if I could look after the kids well enough.
I also worry about the pain a separation will cause extended family members.
Unless you signed away all your rights in a pre-nuptial agreement (and these can be tested in court), you’re entitled to a share in the marital assets – e.g. the house, a cottage, etc.
And you’re entitled to financial support for housing, feeding, and educating your sons if they live with you even part-time, and for their college education.
Get legal advice immediately, so you can talk to your husband knowledgably.
Tell him you no longer want to live without affection or partnership.
But consider counselling. You sound depressed from loneliness, and he faces serious health issues from obesity.
He also appears to be hiding from the relationship, perhaps humiliated by his physical condition.
For the sake of “earlier history,” and of your sons having a healthy father, suggest counselling even if you eventually decide to separate.
FEEDBACK Regarding “Jobless and Depressed,” (April 17):
Reader – “I’m offering suggestions as I’ve worked and gained experience starting with high school.
“Look at the job ads in your local newspaper. Check out whether the city government offices where you live may have entry-level job openings.
“I’m sorry you felt your parents didn’t offer you the support they should be giving you.
“Every child needs support, guidance, and encouragement, or it may seem like a mountain to climb at the beginning.
“If there’s a local food bank, enquire about the volunteer possibilities.
“While volunteering, you’ll have the chance to display your capabilities. You may encounter someone who might offer knowledge about job openings.
“There are many job websites, your local library can help you find them.
“Check with the local school board, animal shelter, and hospital for other volunteer opportunities.
“Don't get discouraged, everything takes time. Try to get out there every day, but do also give yourself a break.”
Tip of the day:
Parents should never trust that their “secret lives” will remain hidden from their children.