I’m married with two young children, have a demanding job, and often work late nights and week-ends.

When I come home late and exhausted, the house looks like a tornado hit it, and the mess is left for me to clean up.

Taking care of kids is tough, but I manage to do it AND keep the house in some order. It makes me anxious, stressed and angry to come home to this mess, so I’ve suggested that we hire help to come in when he’s left with the kids. He refuses to entertain the idea.

I dread coming home after he’s been with the kids, and I often cry.

How can I regain my sanity here?

- Overwhelmed

Regain your voice AND equality in this marriage. Your vote counts as much as his... so, if you’re that stressed by a mess he won’t clear, your desire to hire help has to be taken seriously.

However, many partners don’t like an “outsider” in the house while they’re home; one solution is to have someone come in the next morning and do a big clean-up once a week, or a mini-clean on the two mornings after your late-night routine.

Meanwhile, take a second look at that “mess” – perhaps you need some organizing aids like a box on wheels for toys dumped in the living room. And maybe he needs to get more familiar with the dishwasher, if he objects to hired hands.

Stop crying and making this all about your reaction. He either pitches in or you both come to an agreement on how to handle this.

However, remember that if he does get more helpful, you need to compromise too, and not expect perfection.

I’ve been engaged for two years with a girl I met in high school; we’ve been inseparable since our first date but now my job is taking me some distance away.

Four months ago I was heaven-struck when I met a daughter of family friends. She happens to live close to where my job is. This woman is eight years older than me, and wants a family, as does my fiancee.

If I’m mentally weighing past “what-if’s” and potential soul-mates, is it true what my friends say… that I’m not ready for the next step in my engagement?

- Lost and Distraught

Read your own thoughts, and have the courage to express them. You’re looking for a way out of this engagement and you were “heaven struck” to find an excuse in this other woman.

Do NOT choose between them now… rather, admit that you’re not ready. Say that the changes in your life made you realize that you need to step back and not rush into marriage.

Then, take time to think about your life and how soon YOU want a family. If you date this woman later, take time to know her, not just see her as the only alternative.

My elderly father has a terminal illness; my mother and he insist he remain at home.

My four siblings and I can all afford some nursing help, yet a few are balking since they prefer he go to a nursing home instead.

- Upset

This is about grief more than meanness, and siblings experience it differently. Those who want to pay towards the home help should do so. The others shouldn’t be judged, but should be prepared to pick up some later expenses (help for Mom, funeral costs, etc.).

I have a friend who’s a gossip freak. I used to tell him things I’d never tell others. I later discovered that several of our mutual friends had learned of my “problems.”

Whenever I confront him about this, he guilts me by recounting all he’s been going through.

Then, again, I feel I can trust him because he’s trusting me. Though I know that he betrays me regularly, I still feel the need to protect him.

What should I do?

- Guilty and Betrayed in Delta

Stop talking so openly. You can be friends on a less-intense basis… if you really think someone who “betrays” you repeatedly is a friend.

But opening up confidences to this guy is asking for trouble. You’re only repeating the cycle by encouraging him to reveal his secrets in return. So stop it.

Otherwise, part of the problem is that you may appear a gossip-lover yourself, by listening.