I'm 22 and fell in love with my first boyfriend several years ago. But we broke up due to differences between our lifestyles and mentalities. We remain good friends.

Then I was instantly attracted to a man at the gym, but he had a serious girlfriend. We were workout buddies. A few months after he became unattached, we hooked up. I told him my feelings but he said he wasn't ready for a relationship.

Soon after, he was exclusively dating a much older woman. Time passed and we ended up hooking up again several times (he cheated on his girlfriend). After, he said he was committed to her and we couldn't continue. But sometimes he would hug me and tell me I turn him on so much.

I realized that the longer it went on, the more it would hurt me and ended contact with him for good. I eventually got back together with my ex. However, I was using him to take my mind off my heartbreak, which wasn't fair.

The guilt of participating in the gym guy's cheating and using my ex ate away at me. Now I've moved past both of them but find it extremely hard to date other guys. I push them away. I'm afraid of getting hurt again or hurting someone else. How can I overcome this?

Lost

At 22, you've experienced love, passion, guilt, and rejection. More important, you've become more thoughtful about choosing a potential dating partner.

That's a lot healthier than you realize. It's how women and men alike grow from their first young love toward the ability to select a lasting mate.

It requires knowing whom you can trust, and how to be true to yourself and your values. You've learned that from these past experiences, with their highs and lows. So feel free and responsible to move forward, you know better now.

My wife's neurotic about our son's diet. He was premature and needed special feeding techniques when young. Now he's an overweight six year old whom she babies. He only eats food she's just cooked fresh, so we can't go anywhere except for a few hours out.

Fed Up

Time to go to your son's doctor together. If he's a healthy boy, physically, the last thing you want is unhealthy co-dependency between mom and son, emotionally. Get pro-active dad, instead of just critical, for everyone's sake.

FEEDBACK Regarding the woman married to a World of Warcraft addict (Dec. 23)

Reader - "My fiancé is also heavily involved in the game. Hours and hours are spent playing. He has little money to start with and was often borrowing from me to fund his habit. Conversation slowed to grunts and, "Can't you see I'm raiding?" when I asked what he wanted for dinner. I told him to choose the game or me, and he said I didn't understand.

"I realized that I was enabling his behaviour. I tried a different tactic and asked him what was so great about it. I got him to talk openly about his "hobby" rather than my calling it a silly little game.

"He lowered his defenses and rather than defend his habit, he told me why he liked it so much. He even got me to play a little.

"It's now something we share and, in exchange for me playing, he's cut back. Even if you think it isn't for you, try it. It tells your man that you're making the effort to meet him half-way."

My daughter's mother-in-law insists she spend every holiday with them. We're feeling left out, especially since our first granddaughter was born recently.

We were allotted two hours for Christmas dinner this year. They spent the entire day with the other family and rushed over here for the meal.

I have a wonderful relationship with my daughter but can't get her to understand that we feel hurt. How can we approach this diplomatically?

Sad Grandma

Something's missing here, when you speak of a "wonderful relationship" yet cannot resolve this with your daughter.

Perhaps she's afraid of her husband and his family (and needs your help), or perhaps you're not seeing what you can do. For example, why not invite his family for a holiday meal so you can all be together?

If that's impossible, contact his parents and suggest alternate "sharing" of time with your adult kids, on holidays.