My husband and I just got married.
His parents were unsupportive throughout our wedding plans, repeatedly telling us to postpone it.
They didn’t help financially, but they could’ve supported their son.
I come from a large, loving home, family and friends. He has a very small, dishonest family.
His parents were late for the rehearsal dinner, almost late for the mass. They smelled of alcohol.
They were late for the supper and absent almost throughout the wedding. They never welcomed me to the family.
It breaks my heart that my husband has to remember this his whole life.
I want to help him forget about his parents. I want to confront them to apologize to him.
They don’t like me, but I thought they’d put their differences aside for their only son.
It’s no honeymoon if you’re focused on his family’s failings (which he already knew).
Enjoy this new marriage without dwelling on anything negative about the wedding.
There’s time ahead to deal with his parents.
If they regularly tend towards alcoholism, that won’t change easily.
Confronting them and demanding apologies won’t improve your relationship.
Let things settle, and then talk it out with your husband. Listen to how he’s dealt with them before and what he’s willing to do about them now.
If he prefers to not confront them and just not have expectations from them, his opinion should carry, unless they’re disrespecting you specifically.
In that case, you may both decide to cut ties with them for a while.
You’d both benefit by discussing the family dynamic with a therapist… but not till you’ve given some time to this “honeymoon” period.
I'm in my late 20s and feel behind in my life. My anxiety has hit a high despite therapy.
Several years ago, I graduated with a university degree in an industry that's not very employable.
Aside from consistent freelance work all I can land are contract or remote positions in my field and seasonal jobs at minimum wage.
I've been trying to find other work.
I've also been in various other university programs but only for months or years.
I was bullied all through school, and this contributes to my anxiety.
I now have more friends but constantly battle these same insecurities.
I looked into whether I struggle with a cognitive disability, medical condition, or disorder other than anxiety.
But my parents or doctors don't agree enough for it to be worth investing in. They say I received good grades, took academic courses, and never required special education.
They blame the work situation on the field I studied.
I see the doctor regularly, have visited multiple therapists, gone to support meetings.
My doctor sent me to a psychiatrist once but I didn't find any of the doctors helpful. I asked for medication but no one wanted to give it to me.
Those I trust say they want to help me, but I don't think they can. I don't know how to help myself.
Your life’s crowded with the search for answers but even though you don’t have a career job, you’re managing to work.
However, your anxieties defeat your successes by making you feel you’ve not accomplished anything.
Instead of casting about for many opinions, it’d be best if you could stay with ongoing therapy from one source you trust.
With support and encouragement from your parents and doctor, let one specialist in anxiety disorders help you see the positives in your life while managing the rest (no one has to accept working with bullies).
FEEDBACK Regarding the man who’s loved a woman for 20 years. (Sept. 28):
Reader – “I couldn't help but think about my own situation.
“My husband and I met in grade school. We dated off and on, then he moved and joined the military.
“After many years, and with both of us having failed unhappy marriages, he found me again.
“We visited each other and found that the sparks were still there.
“We married and have had ten wonderful years together.
“I hope that your reader does take the chance to contact this woman again.
“For me, no one else ever measured up to the man I had still loved throughout the years apart, and no one ever would do so.
“Without my husband taking that first scary step to contact me again, I believe that I would have been unhappy forever.
“Taking one last chance is the right thing.”
Tip of the day:
A new marriage deserves a happy honeymoon period before tackling negative in-laws.