FEEDBACK Regarding the corporate-employed man who became a stay-at-home Dad for eight years (April 27):
Reader #1 – “I just wanted to share this regarding the person who had a corporate job but now has raised his kids for the past eight years:
“I was in the corporate world and was “re-structured” after 25 years.
“I was too busy with work while my kids were growing up. But during that time l was off work, l had the opportunity to re-connect.
“I have no regrets spending the valuable time with them. Our relationship today is very strong.
“My wife was also happy, though she was now the breadwinner. I took care of the house so that she didn’t have stress about home details, and only had to deal with her work.
“It took a while for me to get used to the new routine, but I had to stay focused and positive, because being out of a job was stress in itself.
“However, I couldn’t stay at home for as long as the writer did. I found work, only to be re-structured again after only two years with another company.
“I needed to get back into the workforce even if it meant a considerable pay loss. Mentally, I was not ready to retire.
“I’ve been re-structured three times now and it’s getting harder to find decent jobs, but every time l wasn’t working, I learned to adjust and stay positive.
“So I say to the stay-at-home Dad, enjoy the moment. If you really want to get back into the workforce, do it for yourself.”
Ellie – I invite men and women to send in accounts of how leaving jobs/careers for the work of raising their kids has worked out. (No more than 250 words, please).
I was best friends with this woman since we started high school.
However, I moved away for university and we lost touch. Two years ago, we reconnected and regularly speak through texting or online messaging.
Periodically, I visit my parents in our home town, and see her.
I knew she was having a tough time (her boyfriend had just gotten out of jail on drug charges) and she’d quit her part-time job because they were supposed to move for his job opportunity, which fell through.
Recently, she’d talked about how this was their wake-up call, they were now clean from drugs, and were never going down that path again.
When I visited her recently, I could see this was far from reality.
Though I understand that addiction’s a vicious cycle, I’d be more comfortable distancing myself.
But I also feel guilty due to our history and knowing that I’m likely the only positive relationship/influence in her life.
Is this friendship worth continuing? The crowd she’s part of is becoming well known locally and I don’t want to be associated with illegal activity.
Yet I miss the old friendship. It’d also be difficult to avoid her on my trips back home.
A Sad Friend
Stay in touch, so that she can reach out should she ever get away from his and their crowd’s influence, and do the work of becoming drug-free.
But you do not have to meet within her milieu. Even if you’re visiting back home, meet her in a public place only.
The old friendship is gone. What you have now is caring. Over time, if your positivism has no effect, you’ll both distance from each other further, naturally.
FEEDBACK Regarding the bride’s best friend who wasn't asked to be maid of honour or bridesmaid (March 28):
Reader – “I wonder if the writer was aware of any specific wedding traditions the bride may hold?
“I’ve attended two family weddings and several weddings for people outside of my family.
“My first wedding, I was ring-bearer for my sister; for my brother's, I was there as a family witness.
“I attended many other weddings and served as usher for one.
“Though all of the weddings were special, being invited as a guest was most special!
“Especially when I consider that I wasn't invited at all to the weddings of some other people whom I knew and cared about.”
Ellie – Good point about other people’s wedding traditions that may be unknown… nor any obligations to their new partner and his/her family.
The bride had asked her groom’s friend’s wife to be her maid of honour, and no bridesmaids.
Tip of the day:
Purposefully changing your working life to become a stay-at-home parent takes commitment and focus.