I’m 35, and my husband of eight years is 57. After two years of marriage, there was no sex, and I’d get rejected. I had a breakdown and needed counseling.
I met a man, fell in love, and got separated before anything happened. I finally gave him the fun he wanted, but ended it, as I couldn't bear just being his sex buddy.
My husband asked me to return. But our sexual life never improved.
I’ve fallen in and out of love with other men, but not acted on it.
Now, a fellow university student, 25, and I are mutually attracted. I’ll have to see him for the next four years as we’re in the same PhD program.
When I separate (agreed to by my husband), this man’s too young for me.
But how do I see him daily and not suffer? I want everything with him. My husband cannot have children, and I can't sacrifice my remaining youth and fertility for him.
It’s your current state of mind that’s a barrier. Since you repeatedly fall in and out of love, and feel desperate, distance from this student, for now.
Unlike you, he isn’t desperate, or anxious about a biological clock, nor looking for escape and rescue.
First, separate from your husband. That’s the uncomplicated way to start a new relationship with anyone.
Get counselling again. You’ve put all your hopes on this younger man, who may not be ready for “everything.”
Your current emotional state and drama may push him away. Find some personal balance and peace, before you explore if there’s long-term feelings between you.
My five siblings and I grew up in an abusive, neglectful home. We all ran as far away as possible. But we six still love each other a lot.
My recent wedding was an amazing family reunion for us all, and my dad.
My mom and the series of boyfriends/step-fathers she brought into our lives were the source of our earlier abuse.
She’s not grown or changed her ways. Her current boyfriend of three years was once her adulterous lover.
The two of them together lie, manipulate, and badmouth my father and my siblings.
Nevertheless, I invited them both. My mom said their gift could be her boyfriend, who’d been a professional photographer, doing the photography for free.
They arrived late. He was rude to the people he was shooting. The photos are terrible - over/under-exposed, shadows, people placed awkwardly. He missed shooting most of the ceremony, and all of the speeches. There are none of my husband and I together, or the wedding party.
I feel betrayed and attacked. I could’ve paid for a photographer, but accepted their gift. Despite years of frustration and anger, this is my mom and I'm supposed to love her.
Do I say nothing about the photos and how angry I am? Or, confront them? How do I deal with them moving forward, when they show no sign of stopping their behaviours?
Deal as you instinctively knew how as a self-protective teen – warily, with limits, and distance when needed. Never believe their promises, and have no unrealistic expectations.
Nothing’s changed for them. But you’ve started a new life journey and need to keep it safe, both physically and emotionally, too.
Their behaviour was a sad reminder of your past, but you can rise above it. Say nothing about the photos. Hire a photographer for a portrait of you and your husband in your wedding clothes, if desired.
I'm a university student living with six girls. One immediately revealed her depression, and showed me scratches on her wrists. I hid being extremely uncomfortable.
Her depression’s her daily topic, no matter the situation. She shares everything about herself, her ex, and her sex life. All conversation is about her.
I recovered from severe depression a year ago and have been doing great. But listening to her is very triggering.
I've become stressed, easily upset, don't feel like myself, and my grades have dropped.
How can I resolve this without revealing my past?
Ask student services for counselling support for this situation. Tell the girl that depression naturally affects others, and to please get counselling where she can vent, as you are pressured enough from course demands.
Then avoid her as much as possible, but politely. Study at the library; listen to music with earplugs when home and not studying.
It’s okay to protect yourself.
Tip of the day:
A relationship started in desperation, is unlikely to thrive.