Situation: Wife is angry. I’m called about a dance with an award ceremony where I’ll receive something. I didn’t want to go but wife said I should. I invite her along. Response... “Go yourself, have a good time!” 

On the day, she says she’d go if I wanted her there. My response: I’d already told the organizer I didn’t need a ticket. Wife is angry. Says she doesn’t need me to accompany her to an upcoming dinner event; also, don’t bother making reservations for a winter vacation. I say I already made them. She says, “Cancel them.”

After 35 years of marriage, I know she probably made her initial response out of anger but it’s frustrating that I’m the “bad guy” because I complied with her instructions.

It’s unreasonable for her to change her mind in the 11th hour. I’d still prefer to not go.

- Baffled

Situation: Husband learns nothing in 35 years. Or lets pattern of ping-pong bickering persist, rather than listen to wife’s tone and real feelings. 

Solution: Tell wife you prefer her company to going anywhere alone. Try to mean it. Enjoy future years together more.

My husband and I rarely have sex. He is always too tired from working two jobs. I’m too tired from working and being chief cook/housemaid/children’s supervisor. 

What’s wrong with this picture?

- Frustrated

No coordinating, no compromise. You’re wasting the energizing opportunity to work as a team. The kids, house, and income provision are roles to be shared, and enjoyed through love and sex. Get counselling and get together.

My daughter, who’s three-and-a-half, is shy and sucks her thumb, mostly when she’s tired, and stressed in new situations, such as meeting strangers. 

I’m amazed at the number of people we meet, often store cashiers, who feel it’s okay to tell my daughter and I that she shouldn’t be sucking her thumb. Some will even grab her hand and take her thumb out of her mouth. I think this is completely unacceptable; it’s very upsetting to my child.

I’m an intelligent woman and know the potential risks of thumb sucking, such as getting and spreading germs, future dental problems (crooked or buck teeth) but don’t believe it’s anyone’s business but ours.

What’s an appropriate response when this happens? I’m no longer satisfied with smiling politely and saying “yes, I know.”

- Hands Off

Here’s the verbal response to meddlers: “We’re handling this; no further comments, please.” If critics continue, say, “It’s comments like yours that can turn a normal phase into a big problem. Say no more, please.” Repeat often.

For readers who want to explore this common children’s habit further, the following is from www.DrGreene.com (the internationally popular website from California pediatrician, Dr. Alan Greene): According to the American Dental Association, thumb sucking doesn’t cause permanent problems with the teeth or jaw line unless it’s continued beyond 4 to 5 years of age.

Interestingly, 85% to 99% of children have finished thumb sucking spontaneously before this period. Those that persist have often had a prolonged history of a strong battle with thumb sucking at an earlier age.

Commonly, thumb sucking occurs when children are tired, bored, or needing comfort. Parents can weaken the thumb-sucking habit by distracting the child… e.g. engaging him/her in a way that uses both hands, such as painting.

If the child wants to stop, helping him/her notice when doing it, can help. Your pediatrician and dentist can also help children feel like stopping by stressing they’re growing up.

My brother, 41, and I live in different cities, and aren’t speaking. 

When I last visited, he refused to stop watching pornography and talking about sex with his girlfriend. I left.

After his half-hearted apology at the urging of our parents, I visited a year later. He joked about teaching our baby nephew how to get l**d (he said worse). I left after he swore at me, for asking him to stop.

We cannot be in the same room together. Our family has to juggle schedules, dinners and my visits, around us. Mom cries.

They want us to reconcile but we want nothing to do with each other.

- Solution Needed

Visit your parents’ home, not your brother’s. 

Agree on this one thing: a truce when you must be together in their company. Otherwise, avoid each other until you both outgrow the rivalry. Eventually, when Mom’s gone, you’ll wish you’d done so.