My husband of 16 years and I get along okay, but we drifted apart six years ago. Two years later, a married colleague and I went on a business trip together, discovered we had a lot in common, and our friendship grew quickly.

Six months later, he asked me to sleep with him and I did. He soon said he loved me and would never stop. Well, two years later, he ended the affair.

He no longer loved me, but still wanted to be good friends. I was heartbroken, but agreed.

A year later he retired, pursued the friendship, texting regularly and asking me to meet to catch up.

Six months later, I’m still in love with him. I try hard to ignore my feelings. Can two married people have a platonic friendship when unrequited love’s involved? Or should I end it?

That’ll just make me miss him but I won’t focus harder on my marriage. I want out, but we have two young children.

Out West

You deliver your own answer… well, here’s mine:

YES, end it. He dropped you, and has come back out of convenience. Now retired, it’s nice to bask in your flattering interest when there’s no longer any workplace opportunities for a new lover.

If you want out, do your husband a favour and tell him so. Then get separation counselling together so you can deal with raising those kids amicably and with appropriate legal and financial supports in place.

If you’re not ready to take that step, then DO focus on your marriage, or you’re doing the kids no favour either, since you’ll continue to be restless and seeking escapist affairs.

For several months, I’ve developed an increased interest in my neighbour, who’s become good friends with my husband.

I didn't like him at first, but as I learned more about him I developed a fondness and strong attraction towards him. I obsess and think about him often.

I’ve felt guilty about having strong feelings for someone other than my spouse. The neighbour’s friendly towards me but I’m unsure if he feels the same way.

He’s married and soon to become a first-time father. I’m married with two children. There’s also a 12-year gap in our ages.

I learned that they’ll be moving soon and I’ve felt depressed about it. I’ve tried to ignore him in the hopes that my feelings would disappear eventually, but I still can't deny the attraction.

I’d like to become friends with him because I’m not the type of person who’s unfaithful and I believe he’s the same.

Should I continue to hide my feelings and just ignore him?

Hopeless Neighbour

See the answer above and you’ll know what I’m thinking. This is fantasy. You have a crush on a younger guy, and that in itself isn’t terrible. But acting on it will create a two-family mess.

He has a wife and they will soon have a child. You need to start seeing him as someone attached to two people who need him a lot.

Meanwhile, you only needed an escapist daydream. A crush can be a spark to a better connection with your own spouse. Let it trigger some heat, and fire desire for more and better intimacy with your husband.

But do NOT speak up to this neighbor. You could end up terribly embarrassed, or involved in far more than you’re prepared for…. especially since he’s shown no interest and it wouldn’t last anyway.

I’m 50s, with extreme nerve damage from diabetes, resulting in impotence. I can’t discuss this with anyone but my family doctor.

My girlfriend left me after nine months because of it. I’ve tried the medications, injections, nothing works. I cancelled surgery for penile implants.

I'm a good-looking guy, with a dynamic personality. I meet lots of women, but don't ask them out, fearing embarrassment.

What do I say to a woman if both of us want dating to proceed further?

Sad and Disappointed

First, you MUST discuss this with a specialist, and look at all options, medically and surgically. You didn’t say why you cancelled, but you need to know the potential pros and cons of treatments/surgery weighed against impotence.

That said, once you’re interested in a woman enough to trust her, you must tell her, and learn if she’s comfortable with varied kinds of intimacy excluding intercourse (if that’s the case).