My sister, whom I’ve lived with for two years, has problems with the lovely man I’ve been dating for six months. He makes me very happy, but she says he's a bad guy, that I deserve better, and that I’ve changed.

He’s done nothing wrong to me or other females, for her to think that. I’ve changed because I’ve become more independent and don't want to hang out with her as much as I did when I was younger.

Whenever my boyfriend comes over, she acts like a toddler, slams doors, ignores us both, and texts me saying rude things.
I’ve been contemplating moving out, but I can't afford it.

How do I tell her to leave my personal business and me alone?

Sister Spat

She’s jealous, hurt, and acting out. If you’re going to live with someone – sister OR boyfriend – you have to try to understand their feelings and find helpful solutions towards harmony.

Since you’re more independent from her, remember to also be somewhat independent from whomever you date. Constant togetherness early on often creates the same kind of backlash she’s feeling, later.

Take a moment to tell her you love her and appreciate her as your sister. Tell her you want to create “Sister Time” – an evening or weekend afternoon, whenever, when you two do something together.

Once you reassure her you’re not just living with her for convenience, she’ll likely settle down.

If no change in a few months, save your money faster, and move.

I’m 49, divorced, a mother with two kids, 18 and 15, living with me. My boyfriend’s 50, never married, nor had children. He lives alone.

We began dating two years after my husband left me. We’re together eight years, including three breakups, which he initiated because of uncertainty over joining a ready-made family. And, an underlying desire to have his own family.

He claims he’s always loved me. I love him. I’d wanted to have a child earlier, when he didn’t. The last split, three years ago, lasted almost a year.

When we reconciled, he said it wasn't important anymore to have his own children. My kids like him very much.

I want a commitment, some security for my future. He says he can’t say what I need to hear. I don't need to be married or live together now, but I don't want to live alone once my children are independent.

Is he mostly commitment phobic, not sure of me, or both?

We’re compatible and I do feel that he loves me.

Wanting “Forever” Label

It won’t make you feel more secure to leave someone you love, who loves you.

Taking a break hasn’t been an answer either, since you’ve both been drawn back. However, HE always ended it. There’s some chance then, that if you said, “It’s commitment or nothing,” he’d realize how important this is to you. But it’d still be a risk.

And risk is my point. He can say what you need to hear, but there are still risks of future separation or changes, in every relationship.

Meanwhile, your teenagers aren’t leaving so fast. Take this time to consider what it is you’re truly insecure about – the emotional, or the financial aspects of his being uncommitted, or both? Or, fear he’ll find someone younger to have a family?

You may even want to talk to a counselor on your own about this.

Then talk to your boyfriend about those feelings, and what his holdback is really about.

I’m in high school this year and been to doctors because of headaches from so much stress. I get no sleep and have been having breakdowns.

I've looked into online schooling but can’t ask my parents because my dad’s so excited that I’m at “his” same high school.

Both my parents want me to have that “high school experience.” They don’t see how hard it is for me. They keep saying, “you'll be fine,” but I feel it's going to get even harder.

Stressed Out

Tell your parents that you feel extra pressure because you’re trying so hard to please them. High school IS harder than earlier grades, and there’s added social stresses.

Ask them to see a school counselor with you, to talk about making your schedule and adjustment easier.

It’s not the place that’s causing all this; it’s your feelings and fears. Say this. Also, consider having a tutor help you organize the workload.