Three months ago, I hit rock bottom while I was calling my ex-girlfriend, whom I adore. She summarized my immature, irresponsible lifestyle, reckless decision-making, financial trouble, and addictions.

She said it with great love and deep concern, but without apology. I was crushed.
It opened my eyes to the life I was throwing away, daily. I’ve picked myself back up ever since. Change doesn’t happen overnight, but I’ve made incredible strides towards a new lifestyle and newfound discipline.

I’m the subject of your column "Problem Gambling Is An Addiction" on August 16. The girl who wrote you this letter is an incredible young woman.

The pain and hurt I caused her is still so fresh and raw, that I know she cannot yet fully appreciate the positive impact she’s had.

That Friday afternoon, my mother unexpectedly stopped by my house. We have a very special relationship.

She’s a professional, highly regarded in her industry. She’s also a functioning alcoholic. I’ve long had concerns for her drinking, and was aware of her deepening unhappiness.

She’d started her day by reading your column.
She’s struggled with her hidden addiction for decades, from her childhood with an alcoholic father.

You’d written to the writer (my ex): "But concepts like ‘self-improvement’ don't cut it. He has a deep-rooted background to these addictions and you both need to understand it a lot better before planning a life together."
My mom supported me through my pain and growth over the last three months, after admitting to herself she needed to stop drinking. She also hit rock bottom.
Yesterday, we went to an Alcoholics’ Anonymous meeting. The best gift in the world to me is now my mom's sobriety. Thank you. You can never be certain whom your words reach and the impact they may have.
I’m receiving help for my gambling addiction. I still envision a future life with my love, but first need to get my life on track.

I’m disgusted with myself, however, that she needs to rebuild her sense of self-worth. After putting everything she had into my problems, she’s left feeling empty and broken.

My selfish immaturity may’ve cost me the most important thing in my life. I hope I can rebuild her trust.
What happened this past weekend involved the two most important women in my life and some day I’ll thank her, too, for all she’s done.

Any Thoughts?

My gratitude for your letter is on behalf of all who see the hope, through you, of being able to confront and battle your demons with determination.

You and your mother are lucky to have each other on this journey. I urge anyone struggling alone to battle addictions, to get to a support group such as AA or Gamblers’ Anonymous.

Or, to find a friend or relative with the compassion, understanding, and strength, who’ll support that person’s steps to self-recognition and recovery.

I urge you to NOT pin your success on the prize of winning back your former girlfriend.

She likely needs her own supports to regain self-esteem, and also to make sure she doesn’t fall into a pattern of rescuer, or worse, co-dependent.

Also, you need to stay on this path of growth and freedom from addictions for a year before you can safely say you’ve reached the first true milestone.

Stay the course for your own survival, no matter even your mother’s course of recovery, or your former girlfriend’s response to you.

You have the most important thing to gain… a healthy life and future.

FEEDBACK Regarding the married man ashamed of his relationship with a former prostitute (August 22):

Reader – “It was obvious to me that his letter saying he was hooked by a hooker, and gave her huge amounts of money, was made up to impress his friends with how he could trick you into publishing it.

“I could be wrong about this, and in that case I must sincerely apologize.”

Ellie – I understand where you’re coming from, since you do not see the huge amount of emails I receive telling personal stories that seem like the basis for fiction, but are not.

I must believe (almost) all – otherwise, I reply, “Nice try!” - because the many details in longer letters than I have space to print, do believably explain the person’s pain, shame, confusion, or other dilemma.

Plus, later thanks from the writer, which I run only when they apply to others, as above, prove their truth.