Two guys, who are my friends, joined this music program; then another kid from our school joined. My friends found it hilarious that the new kid had talked to some really hot bassoonist, and had gotten a date with her.
They went out for a while, then broke up.
One of the friends, B, told us that he was now dating the bassoonist, A. They dated throughout the summer.
When school started again, three of us were hanging out, and someone showed us an Instagram photo of a different guy making out with A… posted 22 weeks ago.
Then there was a very intimate photo of them 12 weeks ago. We were all very alarmed and told B, who got pretty worked up. Everyone else in our friend group wasn't too upset, because we all hated her for cheating on him.
I decided to leave comments on the picture like, where’s our friend B, but was blocked.
On our group text, B said "you guys need to chill on that situation, I got it under control" so everyone thought they’d broken up. But they hadn’t.
Apparently, A said the guy was her ex, and posted the pictures because he wanted people to believe that he was still with her.
We were sceptical. So we prank-called her and said it was B. She hung up. Then B said, “She’s now broken up with me because of you guys."
He asked, "Why did you call her a slut?" and that's when we knew something was wrong.
I’m thinking that she wanted to break up with him beforehand, so she made up about how we called her a slut!
Now B’s mad at us, and doesn't believe that we didn't call her a slut. What should we do?
You’re all so caught up in gossip and social media frenzy that you risk destroying a good friendship.
There’s a solution that’s simple, clichéd, but crucial to maintaining respect - back off each others’ dating relationships.
All of you need to apologize to both A and B.
A felt you were treating her like a “slut” by commenting on the photo. She dumped B, who seriously cares for her, because his friends behave like jerks and insult her.
Unless you apologize, his only choice is to dump the group.
My boyfriend (of six years) and I are soon attending his sister’s wedding. I’m in medical school in a different city.
His family’s giving over $500 each as a wedding gift.
With my student loans and wedding travel expense, I felt $100 was sufficient. I’m not in the bridal party, though he is.
He thought my suggested amount was disgusting.
I know he can’t afford $500 but it’s his sister and I want him to do whatever’s comfortable.
She’s older and established. He said he’d feel awful if she gives us a larger sum when we get married.
He decided to gift more from both of us but refuses to tell me the amount.
Am I Wrong?
Your approach was negative (his response was too). You needed to keep talking it out as a couple.
His later choice is appropriate – gifting for both of you, so that he stretches for this special occasion and covers for your inability to pay much.
This is his family, which you plan to join. Be as generous in warm wishes and your gift as you can manage.
We are a group of women friends. One of us never divulges her true age. It’s never an issue, but on her birthday, when we want to celebrate, it gets weird.
She’s alluded to mid-30s for several years. No one pushes the topic, but we’ve secretly done Internet searches.
According to public record, she’s probably older than she hints, by only a few years.
Why does she need to hide her age? Especially since we - her friends – are all older than her, some by a lot.
You’ve used the key word –“need.” She has a private reason for this secret, and good friends should remain sensitive to that need.
Finding her exact age won’t reveal her very personal “why.” Snooping for it demeans the group’s better intentions to not make an issue of it.
Generally, people who hide their age have insecurities about aging, body image, a falsified age they’ve told a partner or employer, etc.
Tip of the day:
Think about the person you’re hurting (including yourself), before you do something stupid and harmful in a group.