I've recently started seeing somebody great. We have a good time together. However, she’s fallen asleep three times when together and I'm unsure how to approach the situation.

Am I boring or does she have some sort of sleeping problem?

Dating A Snoozer

If you were so boring, she wouldn’t be getting together, nor would you feel you’re having a “good time” together.

There’s another reason why she keeps nodding off.

Show interest in how she spends her days, to learn about her home and work life. You haven’t mentioned your ages, and whether she has kids at home - details that may explain why she runs out of steam during a night out.

Ask more about her routine, whether she has to wake early, has a long commute to work, looks after parents, etc.

If none of that explains her snoozing, ask directly.

I'm getting married to my wonderful fiancé this summer. We met in the city that I'm currently working in but he's since been promoted and last month we moved to another city, six hours’ drive away.

I’m still employed in the former locale but would like to find a new job here and live with my husband once we're married. We're currently living apart, seeing each other once in two weeks.

I have a doctorate in social science/science and find it incredibly difficult to find a new job. It took me nine months to find this one - a permanent position with good benefits and decent salary.

Do I quit my job even if I don't have a new job yet? Or do we continue our long-distance relationship after getting married?

I'd love nothing more than to live with my husband in our new home, but I don't want to be unemployed either. Financially, we're lucky that we can live off his salary alone.

Sleepless Nights 

You’re in a dream position compared to many, in that you can afford to take time to find a good job. So staying apart at this important time isn’t a necessity and not worth the emotional distance and stress.

Make preparations to be with your husband right from the wedding. Scout the job market, send out resumes, and, since your employer can understand why you’re leaving, you can comfortably ask for any contacts for finding similar work in the other city.

 

Over the past decade while I was growing up, several family members, and close family friends died. I fought very hard for emotional stability.

During the past two years, I’ve achieved small victories against depression. I have a full-time job out of high-school and an 18-month relationship.

Yet, I'm still scared, terrified. Life has moved on from these losses and I feel I have no right to grieve.

But every year or two, an incident happens that knocks me down somewhat. How do I handle this?

Frightening Losses

You’re stronger than you realize. You’ve grown up in an atmosphere of worrying sadness, yet managed to move yourself forward in school, work, and a relationship.

You DO have the right to grieve, and then put the losses behind you. But you likely need professional counselling to help you. Therapy will provide a boost to your self-confidence to do this.

Do not see it as a “fix,” but an aid. Your reaction to date has been natural, and you’ve already shown your ability to overcome.

For ways to get professional help, see “Ellie’s Guide to Find a Therapist,” on the home page of www.ellieadvice.com.

I recently started working as sales staff at a big company. I believe in their products and services, which makes me an effective salesperson.

But I’ve seen constant unprofessionalism. Day One - my manager informed me about troubles with one of the other sales staff, with a detailed account of that person’s wrongdoings.

She complains about someone, daily. She’s good friends with one of the associates, with whom she discusses corrective actions against the “bad” employee. Anyone within earshot hears their discussion.

This job would be a great career stepping-stone for me except for this negativity.

Concerned Employee

If there’s any other area of the company in which you can work, consider a transfer.

You may even hasten your career advancement if you can suggest another level of employment there for you.

If not, ignore the complaints, build a solid reputation, and discreetly look elsewhere if this manager keeps her position.