I recently met a man whom I thought was single, I never asked, I just assumed. We’d been getting along great, when my friend visited his Facebook page and told me she saw he was in a complicated relationship with another woman.
I thought he’d just not changed his status. Then, to my surprise, I learned he’s having a relationship with a woman 3000 miles away. In two years they’ve seen each other three times, but nonetheless he’s emotionally involved.
Our relationship is new, but very intense. He said he’d end the other relationship immediately and that he’d not told either of us because he was waiting to see where our relationship was going
He then said he wanted to move in with me, but I think he’s moving MUCH too fast, and I do not know why he hid this from me.
I don’t know if I can forgive him. It was like a bubble burst in what I’d thought was a beautiful beginning to a real relationship.
You see two red flags, I see three:
1) Emotionally involved, he shouldn’t have started up with you at all. It shows he can do the same to you.
2) Co-habiting is WAY too soon, even without another woman barely dismissed.
3) You’ve turned this on your own ability to trust, which is exactly what he’ll pressure you about, with promises, pleadings, and passion.
But reality remains: You cannot trust him. Not till you know a great deal more about him. Meet his family, friends, know his history, before you make him a partner in your home and life.
My spouse and I have two young children, and have been very happy together for 15 years. However, we strongly suspect that he suffers from dyslexia – which he’s hidden very well from everyone, even me, until recently.
I’m now learning that his troubles seem to include reading comprehension, short-term memory issues, and an ability to think chronologically. He’s very intelligent in many other ways and so charming that I don't think many people suspect how he suffers.
His career has been lucrative but extremely volatile. It’s been difficult for him to hold down any job for more than two years. I believe the dyslexia’s the reason for this. My career has suffered as a result.
I’ve never been able to take the risks required to move forward because we’re frequently stressed looking for new work for him.
Our marriage also suffers from this, especially the short term memory issue - what to pick up from the store, what time guests are coming over, what time are doctors’ appointments. Arguments are a result.
He also needs the house to be pristine as it helps him feel more focused, but the stress of two preschoolers, looking for work for him, and keeping an immaculate house is getting to me.
All of the testing I’ve found online is for children and/or academic-based predominantly. What can we do to help all of us feel some stability and safety?
Exhausting Roller Coaster
Don’t rely on your own diagnosis. Get to professionals, starting with your doctor for a medical check re: memory issues, a psychologist who applies behavior modification techniques, and an educational specialist who deals with adult dyslexia.
Once you start down this path, you’ll find the right resources.
I invite readers who’ve had experience with adult dyslexia and/or similar symptoms to your husband, to send me suggested resources, which I’ll publish.
My friend used to date this guy of whom another friend of mine and I didn't really approve. Being the friend I am, I wanted to get to know him. It helped that we shared a class.
Once they broke up, he started to gain interest in me, calling me "special" and "unique." I'm not really interested, but I'm not sure if he's just joking around.
I don't want to say anything that’ll hurt his feelings or make it awkward between us. What should I do?
Learn a valuable lesson now – back out of your friend’s relationships. You didn’t need to get to know this boy because she dated him. That was curiosity (and meddling) on your part, not “friendship.” When you do like a guy, you won’t want your pals muscling in, saying they’re helping.
Also, you misled him. He thinks you’re interested. Just brush off his comments, without being rude.
Tip of the day:
Don’t get conned into thinking you’re “distrustful,” when you have good reasons to stall a relationship.