I met this man and was instantly smitten. We had three amazing "dates" in four days. Unfortunately, he had to leave abruptly and is now travelling for business indefinitely!
He knows how I feel - a strong emotion/attraction that I've never felt. I know the emotions may be lust and unrealistic, but that's how I feel.
However, he was "missing in action" for a week and when he resurfaced (by phone), claimed it was cell-phone problems, though he works for a telecommunications company!
It's now "raining men." Men from my past have been creeping back into my life... guys I sort-of dated a year or two ago!
Do I tell these guys to stop contacting me, just be friends, so that I'm not "cheating" on this new guy? Should I not put all my eggs in one basket in case this other guy's playing me? I know in my heart that he feels something between us.
I don't want to feel badly for catching up with former dates, nor do I want to mislead them. But if this guy's just playing the field, perhaps it's premature for me to "wait around."
Get back to those "raining" men and let things develop naturally. Everything with MIA Guy is premature. Even if he's not a player, you both rushed what was simply a hot connection.
You may've scared him off with your too-early openness ... just as YOU should've been wary of anyone who comes on fast, then has to travel "indefinitely."
If he reappears fired up again, make sure he tells you how long he'll be around. You need to know if you'll be repeatedly "waiting around" for these brief, intense flings together.
Meanwhile, seeing other men is NOT cheating. It's the only sensible choice for now.
I've been having some boy problems. It started in the summer... my parents had these friends visiting from another city and they had a son my age. He was really cute. We ended up hanging out the whole night.
Before he left, he got my number and we texted for a week till we went to visit their city and went to their house for dinner. During that week of texting, he said he liked me and he wanted to change that I hadn't kissed anyone yet.
When we were there, he did kiss me and I really liked him. After we left, I texted him good luck in his hockey tournament. He never replied. It's been five months and he just totally cut me off.
I've tried to move on but he's always in the back of my mind. I'm going to be seeing him this summer. When I meet other guys I compare them to him and I just can't do it any more. Any advice?
First kiss, first crush... there are a lot more great firsts ahead, but unfortunately, there are also some disappointments. You'll reject some guys who like you, even if they're nice, and you'll have your own reasons for why.
This guy "cut you off," and may've had a solid reason. Example: He was attracted to you, but already had a girlfriend and didn't want to hurt her. OR, he thought a long-distance relationship at this stage of life was unwise.
Maybe he should've told you his reason. But then, neither of you are that experienced in handling complications.
Until you see him next summer, don't build expectations or resentments. Just be yourself when you meet again.
FEEDBACK Regarding concern about a friend's child who uses foul language and acts disrespectfully (Nov. 30):
Reader - "It's possible the girl has Tourette's. My son, 15, was diagnosed at nine with Tourette's (plus obsessive compulsive disorder and attention deficit hyperactive disorder, which often accompany Tourette's).
"Foul language (coprolalia), actions and words that are usually interpreted as disrespectful behaviour, are common tics. The girl's parents might not realize it.
"People who have Tourette's can have successful lives. My son's elementary school's Vice-Principal had Tourette's.
"If this behaviour seems regular with the child, her parents should ask their doctor for a referral to a specialist who can help determine if it's something like Tourette's, which can be lessened through behavioural modification techniques and medication.
"Medication's helped my son immensely -- he still has tics but they're far less pronounced.
Thanks for sharing your personal experience, which may be relevant to other readers' situations.
Tip of the day:
A rush to romance isn't always a positive signal.