My husband and I are at a crisis point – we’re married 24 years, have three children. We have a great relationship except when my anxieties/trust issues balloon. He can’t take the stress anymore and has offered to go to counselling together.
We’re a professional couple; I’ve been home for 14 years with the children. Over the last six years he was addicted to the Internet, then stopped, but it created my distrust. This issue is back again, causing unbearable stress and other health issues for me.
I’ve had horrible results trying to get individual counselling (dogs in office - I'm allergic. And a counselor who retired before the second visit).
We have a new family doctor but I’m not prepared yet to discuss needing counselling. We just need a good referral.Can you recommend a marriage counsellor within driving distance of my locale?
It’s important to just get going. It takes a small amount of effort to research available therapists and ask the receptionist, or whomever calls back, pertinent questions before you go.
Example: Say that you’re allergic and need to know if pets are present. Say that you’re looking for a process of couples’ therapy related to trust issues and need to know the therapist’s approach – e.g. short term or long term, emotion-based, etc.
You’ve both been bottling up this situation until it gets explosive. By calling it “Internet addiction,” you gloss over whatever specific behavior of his has shattered your trust – is it porn, sex chats with other women, trolling for Internet dates? Speak up clearly, both to each other and to the specialist you end up seeing.
A Google or Yellow Pages search for your general area will turn up names and specialties within the counselling field, for you to start contacting and making a choice. Ask if the person – therapist, counselor, psychotherapist, whichever – is accredited professionally.
It’d be irresponsible and unethical for me to recommend one specific person – that choice has to be yours. Give a therapist at least two sessions’ trial before deciding if it’s the right “fit” for you two.
Your stress will lighten and ways to handle it emerge, by becoming pro-active.
My partner owns a cleaning business. Work colleagues and neighbors often ask about getting cleaning services. I explain that I don’t handle the costs and times, but pass their information to my partner who contacts them.
Recently my co-worker asked for service estimates and felt the price was too high. I asked my partner to offer a discount for a close friend or colleague, but his company can’t offer free services except for charity (cleaning homes for cancer patients as part of a program).
Our friends don’t expect free cleaning but I'm at a loss how to handle this in social situations. I work with doctors and attorneys but I don’t ask them how much they charge, and then complain to all that they want too much money.
The business has steadily been growing since it started four years ago so there are people who don't think the cost is too high.
Is there a more tactful way to handle the inquiries and potential fallout?
Trying to keep it Clean
Yes, stop being a go-between.
Hand people your partner’s contact information, and say, “Please make all your arrangements with him.”
If a discount is appropriate, you can add, “Do mention you’re my colleague.” If they ask further, smile and say you know nothing else, it’s his business, not yours.
My first step back into dating was a site for widows/widowers. Dated someone nice for one year, then moved on.
On general sites, a lot of time’s needed to continually comb through profiles. I felt I wasn’t cut out for hours of screening people.
Then, I paid several thousand dollars (big bucks for me) for up to "ten" matches. They promised to take the work out of this. I was looking for someone who likes to travel, is able to do so, and can afford it.
What a joke - #1 wanted to settle down (no travel), #2 had sole custody of his grandkids (no travel), #3 I was interested in, but after 15 minutes he didn't feel we'd make a good match. More mismatches followed.
I learned that I could spend a lot of time to save thousands. So I’m back to sites that take time, but not my money.
Tip of the day:
Researching and finding professional help is part of the process of confronting problems.