My boyfriend of nine months and I were just friends through university, had our own respective relationships, then became close again after we had each ended those relationships. Our dating caused minor rifts among common friends, as he and my ex-boyfriend had been friends.

I gave him every opportunity to back out, as I didn't want him to be considered a disloyal friend. Nevertheless, we've been extremely happy together. However, he's recently started speaking with a girl from his past after we bumped into her. He said he'd been close friends with her in high school (she even visited him in university and stayed in his room), and they had feelings for each other at the time, but did nothing about it.

She now has a boyfriend, but wants to hang out with my guy, telling him, "no excuses."

Should I be worried because they once had feelings for each other? Or am I paranoid and she's just someone who wants to catch up with an old friend?

Uncertain

There's a healthy mix of romance and sensible thinking in your description of your relationship. It suggests that your boyfriend isn't about to let this old connection suddenly ruin a good thing - which is what he has with you.

But communication is key: don't build up fears and suspicions about their hanging out. Make sure you and he are seen as a couple, that you're treated as part of the friendship network, and are invited to hang out with them.

If she tries to make their twosome exclusive, make your boyfriend aware that she has an agenda to re-connecting with him. Meanwhile, consider yourself secure in your relationship and act that way. Otherwise, insecurity and paranoia can become self-fulfilling prophecies.

My mother was hurtful, mean to me, criticized and compared me with my siblings, and made me feel inferior. Thankfully, I was brought to this country and not raised by her.

Several years ago, she moved here and remarried my ailing father, but it was mostly because she had no money. He'd been very ill and my siblings had abandoned him for years while I worked, went to school, took care of him and loved him. Unfortunately, he also has dementia.

As soon as my father became ill, my older sister who was never with him, took power of attorney for property, and also for healthcare. She and my mother get along well and both criticize and hurt me at every opportunity.

I know now as an adult that I'm beautiful and intelligent, but being around these two makes me miserable. I needed to move back to my mother's home, because I suffer from Post Traumatic Stress Disorder and depression, am currently unemployed and have been trying to recover, paid by my father's disability income.

But living here is intolerable. Also, my father is probably dying slowly.

Torn

Get to the specialist who diagnosed you to discuss the changes in your living conditions and how they're affecting you.

Discuss the possible benefits of treatment plans during the time you must stay there; and ask for referral to counselling help to form a plan for leaving. You may be entitled to your own disability pay, along with unemployment benefits, which could make moving out affordable.

Certainly your long-term plan should be toward independence. Your father is unlikely aware of your presence, and your mother is there, so you can feel free to take steps to get on with your own life.

 

I'm 68, divorced 20 years. My daughter is getting married in Mexico; she and my current wife don't get along well although they try. However, my wife doesn't want to stay at the same resort as my ex-wife, saying she'll be uncomfortable.

I should be present to give the bride away, but I don't want to go without my wife and create more abrasion. It's having a destructive effect on us.

Wedding Worries

Your wife wants reassurance: Find a nice resort nearby but unconnected to the one where the bridal party's staying and arrange for her to enjoy its services - the spa, hair salon, manicure, etc. Help her feel confident and special on the wedding day.

Assure her that she doesn't have to attend every social gathering prior to the wedding, but that you need her by your side on the big day, out of pride and love for her.