I accidentally read a Facebook conversation between my husband and a girl he plays online games with. (I logged onto my account and his just opened. I started reading some of his messages, which I know was wrong, but I did it anyway.)
The girl had shared information regarding her boyfriend's low sex drive. My husband responded that he has a strong sex drive, just not with me. He said he had the best sex of his life with his previous girlfriend.
He said I pursue him "but it's kinda sad," that our relationship is otherwise perfect, but that he longs for the ex sometimes.
He and I have had open conversations about trying new things sexually and I thought things had been going well.
I don't like that he shared this information with basically a complete stranger. It also really concerns me that he's potentially longing for his ex of six years ago.
I'm not sure how I can trust him right now. I thought our biggest concern was our fertility problems through male factor infertility. Now I see there's much more going on. How can I start a conversation with him about this?
Show him the email. He'll try to turn it into a "snooping" issue, but insist that the problems are more important than who erred most.
One explanation (no excuse) for his macho-type revelations (as in, "I'm okay, my wife has the sex problem) is the male-factor infertility. This may've diminished his manly pride, though the condition's unrelated to his sexual prowess.
You could show compassion about this. Nevertheless, you've been exposed and betrayed by his unkind comparisons to his ex.
Hopefully, you're both pursuing the fertility problem medically. You now need couples' counseling about his sexual insecurity and your deep hurt. Your marriage could become shaky unless you openly discuss his email.
My boyfriend's very interested in exploring anal sex. I cannot help feeling this is something very bad. He says if it's between two consenting adults it's not bad at all, just different. I want to share this with him, but my guilt's overwhelming.
We've been together 30 years (we're early-to-mid-50s) and have four children, teens to early-20s. I want to do this but my upbringing and conscience say I'm a horrible person if I engage in it.
Should I refuse, or tell myself that it's okay to explore new things? He's not forcing this issue. I cannot talk to any of my friends about this as they think even oral sex is bad.
We've had a good sex life. Usually I'm very open to trying new things sexually.
IF two people mutually agree, and there's no physical or emotional harm being done, it's a private matter.
That's NOT the case, since you're very affected emotionally. Your friends (and to a degree, you) are of a conservative generation, and you already know their views.
Given your mental discomfort, you might want to discuss this "new" sexual activity with your doctor... but if too embarrassed, do some research online from the physical point of view.
Meanwhile, your sense of guilt comes from all kinds of information and attitudes from your past.
If you can't get over them, this just may not be right for you, no matter how much your husband wants it.
If so, after 30 years, he should be willing to enjoy sex in many other agreeable ways and NOT keep trying to convince you.
My husband's successful, devoted to our family. But I'm bored and unhappy. Our sex life is dull. I'm desperate to feel real hunger with a man. Is it so terrible to have an affair and know what passion is? Wouldn't that help me bring new spark to my marriage bed, even if in my fantasies?
There's equal chance that an affair would ruin your marriage because of your deceit. Erotic books and sexy movies can fill the fantasy role, without you having to find a man with passion, without STD's, who remains discreet and takes precautions, along with you, to protect your husband from knowing.
No one's pronounced a life sentence on you to remain bored and unhappy. You can try different ways within your marriage to improve it, or you can make a clean, honest break. An extramarital affair brings bigger risks to your reputation and respect (including from your kids).
Tip of the day:
Sexual problems should be kept private between a couple, or discussed only with medical or counseling expertise.