My daughter, 22, is dating a man who's 31 and wrong for her. She's an intern at a newspaper and thinks he's special because he's an editor there. She's enthralled with the industry chat, and thinks being with him enhances her career chances. She says she's in love, but I think it's more with the job than the man.
He's been married before, briefly, and won't say much about what happened. I'm sure he was dumped. He's not nearly as educated as she is.
He's awkward around us, and we don't find him very interesting either. His views are predictable, while she's got a quick mind, and is open to new ideas.
How do I convince her that she can do much better?
The worst thing you can do is say that. She needs to discover it for herself... or not. It IS possible that she'll be happy with this guy, despite your feelings.
Stop the judgments. She can feel them even if you don't say them. Have him over for dinner, and for some casual times just visiting, along with her, of course.
IF she sees him with family in her own setting - and finds missing elements, herself - she'll move on in time.
My father's in hospital near death. I'm one of three siblings and legally hold Power of Attorney for my father.
I called a family meeting at my sister's house, requested that my brother, sister, mother and myself all meet to discuss Dad's end of life care. But I found my brother brought his wife along.
I told my family it's a private matter and that I didn't want my sister-in-law involved. I asked them to come outside and then say I'd been called away.
Instead, my brother said he'd ask his wife to wait in the kitchen while we talked. I warned that she'd be very offended.
Sure enough, the next day I received a nasty letter, which I refused to read. I spoke to my brother about the situation and we didn't really say much.
Now it's three weeks later, my father probably has a month to live and I've only spoken to my brother once and only because I asked my sister to get him to call. He's not mad.... he's just a non-confrontational guy. Also, he's only visited my father twice since he was admitted to the hospital a month ago.
Is it me or is it them?
It's about emotions and money. The period of a parent's final deterioration often brings out different emotions in siblings - this isn't unusual.
And each sibling's curiosity, or concern about what moneys and assets will be left, often divides families.
Your sister-in-law may've come along because your brother couldn't handle the reality alone. Or because she wanted a say (through her husband) about the expenses involved regarding your father's care.
You need facts. Talk to the physician/nurse most closely involved, about your father's needs regarding palliative care. The hospital may want him moved to an end-care facility.
Talk to your father's lawyer about your role and responsibilities. Talk to his accountant about the finances available for Dad's care and whether the siblings will need to share some of these costs.
Hand this information in a letter addressed to each sibling. If your brother wants to show his wife, that's his business. Then, call for a family meeting again. If your brother doesn't show, you'll have to make the best, most fair decision you can, without him.
My friend has a dog I dislike. He pooped in my house the first time she brought him, though she said he was trained. He's yappy, jumps on furniture, and detracts from any conversation because he's constantly sniffing, wandering, or doing something that diverts her.
Otherwise, she's a lovely person, we've been friends for five years and I don't want to insult her over the dog she adores. What can I say or do that won't strain the friendship?
Suggest outings instead of visits to your place. Come up with activities she likes - a movie, play, and art show, whatever. And visit her place sometimes where the dog won't feel your chill and hopefully be less demanding of attention.
If you do have her over, try to go for a walk to chat, so the dog can get some exercise and not be cooped up in an unfamiliar place.
Tip of the day:
Opposing an adult child's relationship often draws the couple closer.