My wonderful wife bought me a dog; since I'm working from home while she works long days, I feed the dog and give him treats. She walks him in the early morning and we both take him for walks and ball-play after dinner.

Though I'm clearly his prime owner, "Tux" (a purebred poodle, six months) merely tolerates me but adores my wife. The minute he sees her, he runs to her, leaps to lick her face, jumps all around her. How can I get my dog to love me as much as he loves my wife?

Second Rate

Join in the love-fest. During the leaps and doggie licks, don't compete for either your wife's or Tux's affections, just show this canny canine you're a team. When your wife and dog make exuberant contact, she needs to include you in the fun. It's about the three of you, not who's the poodle's patron.

Though I've loved and lived with two poodles myself - both survived for18 years, so I must've done something right - I'm curious about what other dog-owners think of your problem.

Dear Readers, please send me your suggestions for getting a young and frisky Tux to share the love.

My partner of four years and I are both divorced after long marriages, had other relationships, and were happy to find each other in our senior years. We laugh a lot and can be very comfortable companions, for a time.

But we have a recurring problem that I call the "neurotic wheel" that keeps turning.

This man tries to treat me like the mother he disliked and resented when he was growing up. Things will be fine, and then he'll suddenly say something so mean it cuts me deeply and we're into a terrible fight. When I say how hurt I am, he'll promise to be "good"...but after several weeks, the nastiness surfaces again. I've asked him to get help, but he dismisses therapy as "useless."

I'm feeling very stressed and sick to my stomach from these repeated confrontations in which I'm treated like the enemy.

Miserable

Companionship's important, especially in senior years, but stress-reduction and healthy relationships are even more important. Your situation is unhealthy...even anticipating the next "turn of the wheel" builds anxiety.

This man needs to do the work of coming to terms with 1) his feelings about his mother; 2) the fact that neither you nor anyone else is walking in his mother's shoes. But, by doing nothing to change this cycle that is unpleasant for both of you, he's effectively ruining the relationship.

Get therapy yourself to help you through the next phase - telling him you're no longer accepting this pattern of behaviour; that if he doesn't do something to change it, you will; and the eventual break-up that will result.

Stay with the counselling while you transition to living on your own and developing a satisfying single life with the support of friends, family and pursuing your own interests.

I was in a relationship that drained me but stayed for the sake of "love." After a year and a half of trying to fix things, without any feedback from my partner, I realized I was losing time, money and sense of self. I let go.

I've never regretted it. By staying in a very wrong relationship you limit yourself from the possibility of finding the right one.

My Experience

Hopefully, you've also learned to be more selective about who's "right" for you.

I'm almost 13. I'm ready for sex but can't have that for some reason. I want to move away from my family but I can't, because they don't trust me. I've been thinking about killing myself.

Fed Up

Don't give up, there are people who can help you. Call 24-7, toll-free, anonymous, Kids Help Phone - 1-800-668-6868 in Canada or your local Distress Centre (in the Yellow Pages). Experienced people will listen and have ideas to improve your life. Also, your parents care more about you than you realize.

They don't want you to have sex now because they fear you'll get emotionally involved with someone who won't protect you, that you may get a sexually-transmitted disease (many can't be cured, ever) or that you'll get pregnant when you don't have the resources to care for a child and yourself.

Trust them more, and they'll trust you more too.