My boyfriend of eight months isn’t romantic. He's never bought me flowers. When I gave him a Christmas gift, he felt horrible and got me something, apologizing for the error of his ways.
He was traveling for work over Valentine’s Day. He didn't send me anything. I mailed him a card. He did set aside time for a Skype conversation and said he’d make it up to me for not making a Valentine’s gesture.
I want him to say “love” first, but feel he never will even if he does love me. He shows me he cares in other ways, but I wish he were more romantic.
Women at my office get flowers for no reason and have their boyfriend fuss over them. It makes me envious.
Should I cut my losses, or accept him as he is? I want to be with him, but do I have to tell him to be romantic? Doesn't that just negate the whole thing?
Don’t make comparisons… those boyfriends sending flowers to co-workers may actually be making up for staying out late the night before.
Your guy’s learning, albeit slowly. His upbringing may not have modelled the relationship responses you now seek. It’s foolish to dismiss him IF you feel love for him.
Eight months’ dating warrants The Talk. Ask to know his feelings, and whether he sees a future together. If yes, tell him you feel the same way but need/want more romance.
Lead by example… send him a romantic text in the day, buy small gifts when you see things he likes, pick up or make his favorite foods.
If he doesn’t get it, then you’ve got reasons to reconsider him as a longtime partner.
My two sons don’t speak to each other. The reason is that my younger son had sex with a classmate (both drunk after a high-school party) years ago, which his older brother, away at University, knew nothing about.
After the older boy came home, he soon announced he was seriously dating this same girl, and his brother blurted out, “She’s a slut!”
That ended their connection. The younger brother was excluded from their wedding. With both sons now married with children, my husband and I can never have a family holiday celebration all together.
We make separate arrangements with each family. It’s awkward coordinating with in-law families, so sometimes we end up alone.
We feel we’re being punished for something that we didn’t do.
It’s going to be hard for your older son to ever accept that his wife had sex with his brother, no matter that it happened long before he dated her.
Your younger son would have to apologize to his brother. He’d have to explain the circumstances in which they were both drunk, and acknowledge that he was sexually reckless himself, in that instance.
He also would have to apologize to his sister-in-law and come up with positive things to say, such as how he understands she’s a wonderful wife and mother and he deeply regrets that the young cousins aren’t growing up knowing each other.
Tell this to him. But be prepared that he may’ve distanced himself emotionally, because he knows it’s his fault that there’s a rift between brothers.
Meanwhile, continue seeing both families separately. But on holidays, plan ahead with each and invite the in-law side to your place sometimes, and be invited there in return, so that you and your husband aren’t left on your own.
I’ve been living with Narcolepsy (a sleep disorder) for 55 years. I’m now 71. I was on medication for many years, which allowed me to keep on working full time until I retired.
You have to go to a sleep clinic and undergo a battery of tests for a formal diagnosis of Narcolepsy. Also, you must be extra careful when driving, if you still find it easy to fall asleep while driving, even when taking medication.
When I retired, I stopped taking the drug and now have a few naps during the day. You can adjust and live a relatively normal lifestyle.
Thanks for sharing your story. It’s still relevant as physicians have learned more about this disorder, and there are Sleep Clinics at many major hospitals.
If you feel a frequent need to sleep during the day, interfering with normal functioning, see your doctor and get referred to a specialized clinic.
Tip of the day:
Romanticism sometimes needs to be learned. Don’t be afraid to lead by example.