When we first became intimate, my boyfriend had items of clothing from former lovers hanging on his bed, or in his bedroom, in plain view.
He also has items from his last wife in his bedroom drawers. And he lied to me about being STD-free (I later found out he has herpes).
He has redeeming qualities but am I a fool to hang on when he's already established he's a liar?
Whatever their colour, those purposefully visible garments are Red Flags: Besides being a liar, he’s a guy who shows off his exploits with women.
I’m betting he’s also a player. Get tested for STD’s and do NOT have unprotected sex with him or anyone else.
He’s a short-term boyfriend who may leave you with long-term effects, more troublesome than the women’s clothes he displays.
I’m in a very good relationship after a long, bad marriage. Recently, my son produced a performance at school. Our family attended, and during the performance my boyfriend fell asleep for half of it.
I ignored this, as I was there to see my son's production and proudly support him. I’d been looking forward to that moment for so long.
My boyfriend had critical things to say about the performance, which I didn't care to hear. Is it a form of control when someone craps on your special moments? My ex-husband used to do this too.
Annoyed and Wary
It’s wise of you to smell a pattern here in your own selectivity of partners… e.g. men who are insecure and so put things down that matter to you.
At the very least, he was rude and thoughtless in general, and specifically insensitive to you and your son. That’s a warning sign even if it’s not control. This relationship’s not as good as you say. Get him to discuss what’s really bothering him… or move on.
My brother in-law did a job for a close friend a year ago. The company paid the friend the few thousand dollars owing but he hasn’t paid my brother-in law yet. He tried contacting his friend numerous times about getting the money, but was ignored.
My sister vented to some very close girlfriends and some told this jerk. He went to my sister’s house and screamed at her, calling her names.
He wrote them a cheque; it bounced, as did the second one.
We were all a big group of friends and now it’s broken. These girls that went behind my sister’s back are supposed to be my best friends. They’re now hanging out with the couple that ripped off my sister.
The jerk says he has no money to pay but he goes on trips, out for fancy dinners, etc.
My sister and her husband were upset that I attended his child’s birthday party. The girls told this guy that my sister said I wasn’t allowed to hang around with them. It wasn’t true. I made that decision on my own.
In the Middle
Get out of the middle by not joining the gossip chorus. It’s an ugly story between the two couples. Those supposed “girlfriends” of yours love the drama.
Avoid them now, they’re not being true friends of yours or your sister, who, with her husband, is an innocent couple who got ripped off by cheats.
If that’s whom your friends support, they’re crummy friends. Find new ones who are decent and supportive, or at least mind their own business.
FEEDBACK Regarding the woman with power of attorney over the grandmother and being controlling with it (Feb. 21):
Reader – “My late mother gave my nephew, PA to help handle her stuff. When Mom and my oldest sister suspected he did something dishonest and illegal with her money, he denied it and quit as PA. My nephew blamed my sister (his mother), and wouldn't see his grandmother for a long time.
“Then, my other sister wanted me to give her PA to handle my stuff, or said she’d put a guardianship on me. I don’t need either, and refused. This greatly angered her.
“I had to contact the post office, my bank, anywhere where I had credit cards registered, to warn them of my sister’s intent. I did this on the advice of my attorney.”
Ellie – Power of Attorney should never be handed over without a lawyer advising whether it’s necessary, and overseeing the particulars.
Tip of the day:
A person who lies about STD’s is a liar and a creep, just for starters.