My only sister's son is planning a "destination" wedding. My side of the family's very small, and my absence would be missed. Yet I'm contemplating abstaining, while worrying what lifelong consequences I should weigh.

I've travelled when money was plentiful and priorities were different. I no longer budget for an expensive holiday, and all-inclusives in poverty-stricken countries don't appeal.

I already have trips to my hometown to pay for, and airfare to visit said sister. The money for that hasn't been found for two years. I'm employed, paying my bills and getting by, but by being frugal.

I suspect Mexico may be the choice and I cannot ignore recent travel advisories about dangers there. Also, if an estranged cousin and her alcoholic bully of a husband decide to attend, I can withstand them for a traditional one-day wedding, but an entire week is too much.

I could find the money if I dipped into my savings fund that I've been building for years for a mortgage deposit, but doing that imposes a financial hardship on me and my life plans, setting me back up to two years.

I haven't been on a vacation, outside of visits to my family's home, in six years but I'm facing $4,000 in dentistry costs. My priorities are different (better) now.

For all of these reasons, I'm building resentment at feeling stuck between a rock and hard place. I don't expect much understanding from my family about my frugality.

Would I go if the wedding wasn't in Mexico? Maybe. Or if my sister offered to pay for my ticket? That'd make me feel horrible/cheap/ungrateful/loser. Or if my dreaded cousin confirmed she wasn't going to be there? That'd help.

I feel I'm building excuses not to go and I'm clearly building anxiety about this. Are my reasons sound enough for abstaining a once-in-a-lifetime family wedding? Would my family accept any of them? How great a financial hardship should one embrace for an event like this?

This orphan needs the wisdom a mother would give to a daughter. Should I just suck it up and go?  If yes, how do I turn my attitude around so I don't walk in all bitter and resentful and dampen the festive mood?

Feeling Petty/Resentful

I'm not your mother. However, as an advisor who's experienced at reading between the lines, plus the "clues" from those who write me - if it's Mom's advice you want, attend your only sister's major celebratory event.

It's about the bond between you two, about the family you come from, about continuity, love, and loyalty. If you truly couldn't afford the trip at all, you'd not be twisting and turning over the decision.

If your sister thought you had no money for this, she'd likely pay for you if she could. You wouldn't be a loser, you'd be a sister whom she wanted present and who needed financial help to get there.

If the choice is Mexico, be alert and careful, don't wander on your own, and remember that the vast majority of tourists there have no problems. If the "dreaded" cousin shows, avoid the couple.

I suspect the anxiety you're feeling has to do with more than money e.g. family history. And that your reference to being an "orphan" represents worry about facing up to loss and old hurts. This wedding's an opportunity to enjoy what you do have in the way of family, now and for years ahead.

FEEDBACK Regarding the couple with the different sleep schedules (March 13):

Reader - "I see issues of selfishness but also of perspective. My boyfriend's a very early sleeper and riser. Initially, he'd retire at 9pm and awake at 5:30am. I preferred a midnight-1am bedtime, awake at 7:30am. It was difficult and frustrating... he'd get dozy at 8:30, leaving only a few hours together after work.

"We both adjusted our times so we sometimes go to bed together at 10pm. When I'm not sleepy and he's exhausted, he goes to bed and I have "me" time, catching up on TV shows and chatting online with friends.

"In the mornings, he gets "me" time playing video games and reading articles over coffee. It's very healthy for our relationship as we honour each other's styles and schedules while maintaining personal interests, and enjoying quiet time where we can do our own thing."