I’ve been deported back to my native country, Colombia, where I’m lost. I lived in the USA my whole life.
My husband and our adoptive six-year-old are still in the USA. They don’t speak Spanish, so even if my husband wanted to live here he wouldn’t be able to work. (He doesn’t want to, and I don’t blame him).
I’ve seen them once for a ten-day holiday. It was a magical time to be able to hold them again. My husband’s visiting me for five days, in a month.
Our immediate problem is finding a place for which he’d want to leave his family, friends, and his job of 20 years.
He lives in Florida. I think our best bet is to try to immigrate to Canada.
It’s far from anything he knows, the weather scares him, and so does starting over in a new country.
He wrote me, “I love you and always have, and I’d give anything to have you back with us. I just don’t see moving to Canada as a viable option… We’d be there with no support from anyone.”
Is this a valid answer? Do we live separated for the rest of our lives, or do we face our fears to reunite our family?
Yours is a question debated within countless families across the globe, due to enforced separations.
Though you’re feeling desperate about being apart, you must take time and do the necessary research to think this through.
You’ve personally chosen Canada, which is unsurprising due to its fine reputation as a welcoming, diverse country.
Still, you must learn it’s immigration policies, and what’s required in order to emigrate legally so there are no later problems for your husband and son, and yourself (you don’t say why you were deported from America).
Also, your husband has to want the move, or else he’ll be miserable. Look into job opportunities in Canada for his field or in an area he’d be able to learn.
You’re correct that there are advantages to choosing Canada where English is spoken, and the distance from his family and friends in Florida is not prohibitive for visits. And the weather is less scary than he probably imagines.
Don’t push him or get angry about his initial reluctance. Do the research and present what you learn as new information, without expecting him to leap to agreement immediately.
Meanwhile, study your own deportation case and find out if there’s anything that can change that situation.
Reader’s Commentary On how birth control sabotage by women affects men (Oct. 17):
Reader – “Some women believe it’s their “right” to get pregnant by whenever and by which man they choose, no matter if he doesn’t want it.
“Even with my stated medical reasons for not wanting kids of my own, one woman I dated tried to convince me it’d be a good idea to have a child with her.
“Eventually she moved on, knowing I wasn’t going to give in.
“Sadly, women today want the equal opportunities their grandmothers and great-grandmothers fought for, but also have everything provided for them.”
Ellie – Your right to not have children isn’t at issue. A woman might wish you’d change your mind, but that doesn’t mean she’s only after your financial support.
Of course, if a woman purposefully sabotages birth control, she’s deceitful. But to generalize that “women today… want everything provided,” is a gross, prejudiced exaggeration.
FEEDBACK Regarding grandparents who won’t babysit a couple’s two dogs (Oct. 28):
Reader #1 – “Maybe there's a very good reason why other people's dogs are welcome at the family cottage and not these dogs.
“Maybe they’re not properly trained or are hard to control. Why is it the responsibility of the future grandparents to take care of the dogs?
“It’s the responsibility of the dog owners to make appropriate arrangements.”
Reader #2 – “If other dogs are welcome at the grandparents’ cottage, and looked after willingly, any problem with THESE specific dogs should’ve been part of the discussion.
“The grandparents are eager and willing to help with their new grandchild, even buying a crib to keep at their place.
“That suggests that it’s those dogs at issue, and perhaps not being addressed for fear of reprisal.
“This was suggested by the mere mention of “withholding access to a grandchild” because someone doesn't welcome his or her pets.”
Tip of the day:
Choosing where the family moves together requires getting informed and assuring that, absent any need to flee immediately, both partners agree.