My husband of 10 years and I have both been married before, twice for him.

He rushes to help other people even when they don’t want his help. Yet barely spends time or concern on his wife, often leaving me alone while he’s out enjoying himself with sports, or at the cottage.

Last year, I found a porn video which made me feel unloved and disrespected. We’re both mid-50s. He then accused me of snooping.

Now, hidden away, I’ve found old pictures of him making out with a woman. What slime-ball keeps those pictures for years... is he using them to arouse himself?

I’m now again feeling like I shouldn’t be in this marriage. Do I stay with a husband I can’t trust to show me respect and loyalty?  Or do I send him packing?

Disappointed Again

Yes, it’s disturbing that he’s been secretly hiding stashed-away porn and long-ago sexual memoirs.

Also, you say nothing of affection, sexual or otherwise, between you two.

There must’ve been an initial connection when you dated and married. So the question to ask yourself is, what changed, and why?

He may well be the slime-ball you describe. But you need some understanding for your own sake as to where things turned sour.

You don’t want a history of feeling wronged “again.”

Consider getting counselling – marital, if he’ll go, but for yourself if he won’t.

He may be comfortable as a repeat divorcer. But you need to have the confidence to move on with hope for a happier future, whatever you decide.

My husband and I just purchased our dream townhouse. We love everything about it, including the backyard and Jacuzzi.

We have neighbours on four sides, but the mother and daughter living to the south have been incredibly cold.

They have people over almost every day, and speak very loudly, so it’s disruptive to anyone else in their own backyard.

We also entertain outdoors, mostly on weekends. We decided to try to keep people out of the Jacuzzi past 11pm, and it seems they also shut down at that time, too.

When next outside with friends till 11pm (as were those neighbours), the guys went for a quick Jacuzzi, and our neighbour started screaming and slamming her doors. Our friends soon left.

One month later, I had three friends over, got in the Jacuzzi, and at 10:59pm, our neighbour shut off her lights, whistled loudly, and slammed her doors.

We think her room extends into her backyard, and her windows are always open. But we feel they’re being passive aggressive and rude.

Also, the daughter demanded that I refill the hot tub I’d just emptied because it was noisy, though I’d apologized.

Had they been less aggressive, we might’ve cooperated more.

Loud noise any time of day isn’t allowed in our municipal regulations, but normal noise is.

We plan to ring their bell next time. If she keeps whistling, we’re just going to want to keep going…

We won’t be bullied into not enjoying our yard.

No Crime Here

When you love your dream home, you need to make a special effort with neighbours, even difficult ones.

You started off on bad footing, but it can change… so long as you try.

Send a note around, saying you want to establish better understanding between you. Since you both enjoy company outdoors, perhaps you can both agree on a noise cut-off… say, 11:30pm as a final time, when socializing moves indoors.

Bullying’s unacceptable. But not resolving the problem amicably is a no-win for you, too.

 

I’d ended a friendship with a woman whom I’d realized was a user.

But her boyfriend and I remained best friends. She’d constantly get mad at him about our contact.

Recently, she told him to block me on social media. He did, because “she didn't like that we were each other's best friend on snapchat."

He then acted as if it wasn't a big deal.

I feel I should be angry that if it was so easy for him to not stick up for our friendship, then maybe he really isn't a good friend.

Confused

Rightly or wrongly, romantic relationships usually trump friendships when there’s a conflict. It was a simple question of whether he gets tension and coldness from her, or tries to convince you it’s no biggie to block you.

Accept that he had to make a choice. And that your friendship won’t be as close, while he’s with her.