I dated a man for seven months until I discovered he had another serious girlfriend during that whole time. He lived several hours away, but worked in my city two or three times a month. A friend of mine had set us up, so I never doubted that he wasn’t attached.

He was so attentive when he was with me, he’d call or text every day. I thought it was a significant relationship to us both, though we hadn’t either mentioned love yet.

I wasn’t ready to commit to an engagement had he asked, but I sincerely believed we were both open to the possibility of a future together.

When I discovered, by accident, that he was involved with this other woman in his city, I confronted him. He actually cried, apologized, and said he couldn’t tell me beforehand because he liked me so much and was torn.

But he said he had to choose her because they had a lot of history together. They married within six months.

I can’t get past the hurt and humiliation. I don’t want him, but I feel lost, embarrassed, and like a fool.

Deflated

Give yourself permission to mourn the relationship, even though you don’t ever want the guy back again. He turned out to be the archetype cad - stringing you along and then saying it was because he “liked” you so much!

But you couldn’t have known of his duplicity until it came to light. It’s natural for you to miss the attention, the comfort of what you thought was real with someone you thought was trustworthy.

When you can, get out with friends and hold your head high. YOU didn’t do anything wrong, you are NOT a fool.

This man worked hard to keep his secret from you; he wanted both of you for as long as he could get away with it.

Now, be your own priority. Focus on feeling fit, active, well nourished and engaged with interests and people you enjoy, whenever possible.

My daughter’s divorced and bitter sister-in-law is rude to her, and her mother-in-law backs this woman, no matter how nastily she behaves even in public.

My daughter, who’s 25 and only married two years with no children yet, is deeply hurt and fed up. She wants her husband to either stop seeing his sister ever or she says she can’t take this anymore and will move back home with me.

However, I want to move myself, to a smaller place with less expense so I can start cutting back on work. I’m 60 and thinking about my senior years. I think her sister-in-law’s horrible, but I believe my daughter should avoid her, and her husband should tell his mother why they couldn’t attend family events when his sister’s there. What do you think?

Upset

The answer to your daughter’s marriage and future should NOT depend on you. Make your plans to downsize your home and expenses; you need to do what’s right for your own life. Be supportive, listen, and ask leading questions.

Examples: 1) Has her husband talked openly to his mother about how his sister’s affecting you and their marriage? 2) Have the couple gone to therapy to find ways to communicate and problem-solve on this issue as well as others?

Your own example of strength and independence are good models. If she decides to break up, she has to get prepared to manage her own life.

My buddy from college, who’s still my hockey and drinking mate, is a very generous, good person. However, he does dominate conversation when out socially, is pushy with his opinions, and makes rude jokes and inappropriate comments when women are present.

My girlfriend can’t stand him, even though I explain he’s very decent underneath. She’s pushing me to see less and less of him. What do I do?

Torn

See him mostly on your own, and not so often that she feels you’ve chosen him over her. Explain that you feel loyalty, but you agree that his comments are inappropriate and will address this with him.

If they ever have to be together at parties, watch that his drinking isn’t what’s behind his domineering and rude behaviour.

If so, you may be a better friend to him by raising the topic of his drinking affecting his personality in a negative way, especially in a social setting.