I broke up with my boyfriend of one year six months ago. We've been talking about getting back together. He says he eventually wants to try, but he's not ready right now.

He lost his lifelong friend to cancer two months ago, at a young age.

He says he’s between mourning him, and hurt feelings for the way we ended our relationship. He constantly brings up how I eventually dated other people. But he also mentions he’s seeing and dating women, casually.

He wants me to be a friend, which I've tried but simply couldn't do.

We both know we love each other very much. Should I wait for him to come around, or keep my distance and move on?

Mixed Message?

He’s very clear that after the death of someone so close, he can’t deal with other hurts. He can only handle friendship for now, and even that at some distance.

If you push him further, you’ll lose all connection. Love sometimes has to be selfless and generous. Stay in contact with no pressure, while he heals.

Meanwhile, you can date casually, just as he’s doing.

My father’s the most stubborn, immature, and proud person. My stepmother’s no help.

I believe I’m a good son. I go to university, fulfill my chores, take care of my sister, and have a part-time job to help the family with food and pay for my education.

One day I made the mistake of forgetting to buy food. I also went to my friend's neighboring apartment for a sleepover without permission. Yes, it was wrong of me.
However, I feel like my dad didn’t react reasonably. He was furious that I disobeyed him, but then went too far. He said I was stupid and disrespectful, and won’t amount to anything.

Yet, he only finished high school and has been working the same job for 15 years. I got mad and demanded an apology. Instead, he picked up a cup to throw at me.
Luckily, I stopped him. Infuriated, he screamed, "You’re not my son! Get out!" I refused to leave without an apology.
That was four months ago. He still hasn’t apologized, still doesn't talk to me.

My girlfriend attended a Church event hoping to meet my parents. He didn't even acknowledge her.
I’m so angry that my dad feels like he has to be right all the time. Is an apology too much to ask for? It feels like he doesn’t care about me at all, that he was upset I overstepped his authority rather than he cared about my safety. What can I do?

Misunderstood Son

Apologize, and here’s why: The initial “mistake” was yours. A son staying out all night is a huge frightening worry.

Your father turned that worry into anger once he knew you were all right. It’s a common parental response, and a time when even a grown child should just take the verbal outburst, though not a physical blow or thrown object.

I’m guessing he cares too much rather than not at all. He knows too well that he didn’t have the education he might’ve pursued, and missed some of life’s opportunities because of it.

He also knows you are a good son, but worried that those two “mistakes” that night showed a lack of respect for family.

Stop standing on ceremony about the incident. Your “apology” is by way of saying you do respect him and still want to be part of the family.

My husband and I shared our profession, and raised two great daughters. He was diagnosed with a fatal condition seven years ago. The loss of his presence and laughter is painful.

But I have good family/friends’ support. Two years after his passing, I’m considering dating. How do I tell my “story” without other men feeling compared?

Wary Widow

Simple facts, initially… as in, Hi, I’m a widow with good friends and great family.

That describes a secure woman ready to date. It’s enough said, until you trust someone to later share that you loved your husband, but feel open to connect with this new person.

Most men you’ll date have also loved and lost one way or another.

Many widows and widowers find it easier to connect with each other than with divorced people. There are community-based organizations, faith groups, and online sites for such meetings.

Comparisons won’t necessarily follow unless the late-partner’s idealized, and mentioned excessively.