My daughter moved out when she was 17; I was devastated, worried, scared. She moved back after nine months. We bought her a car, helped her go to school.  

After finishing college, she worked two jobs. She got laid off one, was miserable at the other. She went back to school, with out help.

No jobs, yet, at 27.

She’s going out a lot, angry, staying out late, yelling if I say something. She hardly talks to me.

We had some counselling, with no result. I love her very much, and don’t want to tell her to get out but I don’t know how to resolve this.

- Disraught

Your daughter’s behaviour shows a need for further investigation - a medical check for underlying causes of her moods and anger. 

Her reactions and inability to move forward may be affected by depression or other mental health factors. Getting her to seek help will require her believing that you’re on her side, and acting as a loving parent, not just to relieve the household.

Once whatever is contributing to her unhappiness is known, she should being to feel the relief of realizing it’s not her fault, and that there are usually effective treatments for most causes.

Try to re-frame this predicament as a family project to improve her life, rather than a personal nightmare for you and her.

I’m 22, graduating from college. This past year, I began a relationship but didn’t tell my family from fear of losing them, because my other half is my incarcerated cousin. Since high school, we grew to be best friends, now soul mates. I was there when he was still living negatively, inconsiderate, selfish, destructive, and vicious; when he was engaged. I was there when that woman left and other girls came. 

Overtime, we both understood our wrongs and inspired ourselves to become better people.

He now appreciates his life and the people who matter the most.

Last year, he was in a relationship but had feelings for me. Eventually we both couldn’t hold our emotions. I confessed our love to my parents.

Everyone says he’s no good and will ruin my life.

He has some years to do before he’s free, so I’ll be spending my time going to visit, paying phone bills, etc. But one day he’ll be out.

My parents tell me to choose one or the other. Do I follow my parents or my heart?

- Impossible is Nothing

Accept responsibility for a choice that’s aroused your parents’ worst fears: Your cousin has been “vicious,” committed a crime, had many women. You’re 22, with an open future of possibilities, attaching yourself to a person who has no freedom for years. 

You’re shutting yourself off from the normal experiences of developing a mature sense of what you need from a lifetime partner. Maybe it’d be him, maybe not. But due to the drama, you’ve romanticized a relationship you can’t really test.

Give him your support as a caring person, even visit, but do NOT take on the bill-paying and the role of life partner until you’ve lived more life yourself.

If he truly loves you, he’ll understand that you’re too inexperienced to decide this now.

Tell your parents you’ll live as a single, close to them and open to meeting more people and even dating.

When your cousin leaves jail, you two would still need to take time in the real world, before you make a full commitment.

We’re moving to a new neighborhood; our kids are upset at leaving their friends. We’ll be in the “minority,” so they feel they’ll be “picked on” or “unaccepted.”  

We’ve explained that our current neighborhood is changing and this move provides better opportunities (schools, community, etc.), that not everyone is prejudiced and to seek friends with similar interests, looking beyond skin color or ethnicity.

How can we ease this transition?

- Worried

You’re saying all the right things; back it up with going to the neighbourhood on your own and finding where there are activities your kids like, and groups/clubs that are inclusive of whomever shows interest. 

Seek out the nearby neighbours with children and see if you can set up some casual get-together before the move – something as simple as meeting at the same ice cream store.

A local church of your faith might help you find a welcoming family.