My friend is on vacation, staying at a beach hotel. She’s 38, and tends to get herself into situations that become major dramas.
She sent me a photo of herself sunbathing in her bikini. Next, she was telling me about a good-looking guy walking the beach.
Minutes later, she messaged that they’d connected on Tinder.
When I heard from her a couple of hours later, she was frantic!
The guy had been very flattering, asked her to go walking with him, took her hand then became very touchy-feely, she said.
Then he started telling her how sexy she is.
I know she loves this stuff, but sometimes lets it go too far – and it did.
He said he was staying in a house off the beach and they should go there so they could have “crazy sex” together.
She bolted. At least that’s what she told me when she phoned me to talk… and cry, and rant… as soon as she got back to her hotel room.
She was so wound up that she didn’t make sense – she said she’d call the police and “charge him”… but with what?
She said she’d move hotels because he knows where she’s staying… okay, maybe if she’s that scared or he got really angry with her, she’s right to have done that. Or is she overreacting, as usual?
Drama Queen’s Friend
You’re correct that she seeks excitement before she knows if she can handle it.
I’m aware of very successful dating relationships that started through Tinder, so it’s the person, not the app that opens the door to potential problems.
Lots of people meet on a beach. But even when wearing a bikini, there’s a dance of discretion that should take place.
Sure, she should move. Who knows what else she told him about herself that would cause him to pursue or bother her further.
But when this blows over and you have a chance for talking in person to her, you can use this incident to discuss dialing down the chances for potential danger in future.
I’m 21 and my boyfriend, who’s 28, just broke up with me.
We’ve been terrific together since we met, except for when I once said I was going to visit my girlfriend, then she and I decided to go to a club.
He got angry and said I lied to him, but it wasn’t lying, my friend and I changed our plans.
It’s two months later and we’ve gotten closer. There was no problem when I said I was going on a girls’ night out.
That’s what I did, but some invited us back to one of their places for drinks. I didn’t tell my boyfriend about that, just said I had fun being out with the girls.
But he talked to another girl who was there (I think she likes him) and now he says he can’t ever trust me because I lied again.
My best friend says he’s trying to control me. Do you agree?
Lying is a red flag in a relationship.
It could signal to him that he can never be sure when to believe or trust you.
But it can also signal to you that you can’t be open with him, because he’s easily jealous and does try to control you.
Maybe at 21 you need more freedom to go out where you want, rather than date exclusively.
Think this through. But also recognize that openness and trust are essential in any long-term relationship.
Reader’s Commentary “Some time ago, a man asked you how to handle his rich, spoiled friend.
“But unrelated to what his question was about, he told you that his wife works, does all the cooking and the laundry, and takes the children to their activities.
“I couldn’t help thinking that he also sounds spoiled!
“I wish you would’ve told him that he should be doing his share.
“Why is it always the women working and doing all the work at home, too? That would’ve been a great aside to your answer.”
Ellie – So true! I’m sorry I missed the chance, though I might not have worded it just that way.
There are some couples who enjoy their division of tasks into the past roles with which they were raised.
I would’ve noted that, if his wife enjoys those chores and he does his share of others – that’s their business. If not, he’s “spoiled,” too.
Tip of the day:
Even on a beach, discretion’s wise when you meet someone new.