After my wife's death last year, I recently realized that I wanted female companionship and affection in my life again. Within a month on a dating site, I met a woman who’s such an amazing match for me that I fell head over heels, only after the second "date!"
I moved too fast, showed too much, and she asked for a time-out. So I moved on, hopefully temporarily, as I'm pretty sure she's the one for me.
Meanwhile, I’m "playing the field" and have met someone else who’s very special. Sparks haven't flown but there’s potential.
I’ve corresponded with about ten women who seem interesting and interested, several of whom I’m planning on meeting. And, if my "love" from my first date doesn't return, there are other very special people out there.
Unlike some of the men your female readers complained about (July 4), my age, photos, and bio are totally honest so maybe that makes a difference. Although I’m over 60, I’m blessed with good health, good genes, and, I think, am reasonably photogenic!
I’m also very good at reading between the lines and so am able to cull out people who are probably not suitable for me.
All one has on sites is a few words and a photo to help them decide whether to make contact.
You’re the kind of open-minded, enthusiastic, and positive guy most women hope to find…. but for one glitch.
I wonder if you tell any of the second wave of women you date about your first “love”… because, if you’d drop these others in a heartbeat if she were to resume contact, you’re not quite as upfront as you present. I understand that it’s normal for you to keep dating.
But I do recommend that you NOT rush anyone else, or give the impression that she’s your sole interest, until you really do believe you’re with the one and only.
I have two friends who both went into online dating with honorable intentions, and DID find success and ultimately married.
But this is rare. I also know many guys who (happily) lie through their teeth on the sites. For them, it isn't a tool to find a quality girlfriend, but rather, someone to get into the sack before they move on to the next one.
Also, some females are looking for their Sugar Daddy and if a guy is only earning as a teacher, say, it doesn't get him in the door. So he multiplies his report of his income. Deception exists on both sides.
I knew a couple of guys who bragged about their profiles containing what women supposedly wanted to hear… when all they wanted was sex. It was an easier process than going clubbing.
My sister met some real cads who lied about their religious/moral values and interests. A couple of guys flat-out asked her to put out at the end of their first date!
So you have to be real selective on dating sites. And really, REALLY careful if you're a female. Take all the necessary precautions for your date and DO NOT do what a female friend of mine did - she met a sleazy guy and made the mistake of agreeing to meet at his condo. Once inside, he mixed a few drinks and made some comments that made her antennae stand up. She didn't even take a sip and bolted the first chance she had, because the situation had started to sound an alarm for “rape.”
Commentary - Reading several columns containing some of your female and male readers' stories about negative experiences with online dating made me think about my own experiences over three years.
There were many bad dates and many rejections.
There were also many nice guys who just weren't right for me.
I realized that it's important to be patient and not give up, and, most importantly, not be discouraged by people who are wrong for you or who treat you callously - they aren’t important.
Keep on looking for the right person and you’ll find him or her. It seems that people give up after a few bad dates or rejections. I refused to give up, even after three years of meeting men and not finding a relationship (I was in my mid-40s).
After that, I found the love of my life.
Thanks for your reassuring story and sound encouragement!
Tip of the day:
Online Daters: Be selective, be alert to red flags, and stay positive!