My wife and I had a good marriage for 18 years, but during the next seven years we drifted apart.
She's a workaholic, a business professional (I'm blue collar). We spent one hour a week together watching weekend news. In two years, we've had sex ten times. When I suggest it, she rolls her eyes, asking, is that all you think of? She once said I don't do it for her anymore.
One of our children has special needs. The other's heading to college, and I'm near retirement. I drive the kids to their activities while my wife works late. She travels 20 days per year; I take one weekend a year off with the guys.
I no longer want to be in a relationship void of intimacy. I'm not looking, yet, at sex elsewhere, but admit I will if things don't improve. My wife has no medical issues and is in excellent condition. I wonder sometimes if she's cheating.
I guess counselling's in order but her response will surely be that she's too busy with work.
When you want more out of life, seek it the ways that are possible, starting at home. Turn off the news and tell your wife what you've told me: You're leading a joyless life with her, want to change that, and will work with her through counselling (it takes less time than a divorce and its aftermath).
BUT, otherwise, things must change through you. Get counselling alone, consider a separation in which the children remain with you (she's too busy at night for them), and look for love in your life, not just for sex to escape loneliness at home.
When I was 30, I started a new career and ended up working with a male neighbour in the same business. My children were at school, my husband traveling for work and away for months at a time.
The other man was my lifeline to work and also helped me around the house with his wife's blessing, as that left her to do her work and her social things. We became lovers. He gave me the self-confidence that I badly lacked. That was in the 1970's.
We fell in love; it wasn't just sexual. I did feel guilty, and I've agonized over this for years. We went to each other's children's weddings, spent time together as couples, and visited each other's houses.
Slowly we drifted apart and didn't get together after we moved away, which was several years ago. His wife and I kept in touch by phone.
Last night she called to say he'd died, after a brief illness.
I know that his wife and one of his children thought there was something between us, so because of the children I don't feel I can go to the funeral. My husband is yet again away with his buddies. I don't know what to do.
Mourn for your lost love, privately. It'll take some time, but it's about letting go of the past.
Then, examine your present. You no longer leaned on this man for self-confidence and support, so you must've gained inner strength. That could be his legacy to you.
Talk to your husband about how you two can find a new connection in this period of your marriage. You've stayed together this long, perhaps for some good reasons, too. It's possible that your affair kept him at an emotional distance and he didn't know how to reach you. Give him a chance now.
I was engaged for two years to a man who works at helping people and seems to be a great guy! We broke up a year ago and he was married three weeks later, leaving me with $15,000 debt.
Later, I heard from woman after woman - he was with them for a while, spent their money, and left them in horrible debt.
I've thought of trying to sue him but haven't proceeded yet. As he's done in the past, he's changed his email address, his home address, and his phone numbers.
Meanwhile, his current wife only knew him a couple of months before marrying. I didn't like hearing that so many women had been "taken" by him, and that I'd never heard about it before I was also used. At what point should a woman warn others?
With a known "con" man, you alert police, and they investigate. Make the call.
Tip of the day:
When life is joyless, get pro-active to improve whatever you can.