A group of my girlfriends, who get together regularly, always discuss their New Year’s resolutions before January 1st.
This year, one woman said she’d make a serious effort to be more charitable.
When we last met, she told the group she’d chosen a different worthy cause to contribute to, modestly, every month.
Another woman surprised us by saying she’d have sex with her husband every day.
No one had the guts to ask: Why? Privately, we’ve wondered whether the couple had been having troubles and she felt this would save the marriage.
Or, whether she feared he was having an affair… or whether she was the one who’d been having a wandering eye and wanted to recapture the glue to stick together.
What’s your guess?
Sorry, I’m not joining that game.
Your friend confided something that had meaning for her… and that’s all you need to know, unless she wants to talk about it.
But go beyond just being curious: Just as the other resolution about charity might’ve inspired your own increased generosity…
Yes, this woman’s commitment to daily sex might inspire closer scrutiny of your own sexual frequency and initiation.
Maybe she’d realized that with all the focus at year’s end on presents and celebrations, the best gift between a couple is intimacy of the heart, body, and mind.
Or… she just wanted to shock you all.
I came to this country alone to make a better life for my family, and me and worked to bring them here.
I had a good education as a nurse, which helped me get work here, but still had to come as a nanny/caregiver.
One good friend from home arrived around the same time.
I’m always concerned about my kids and sending money to them.
My friend was single, and had no children. She didn’t have as good an education as me, but also came as a live-in caregiver.
Luck shines on her. She landed her first job with an affluent and generous employer who pays higher than what’s required.
I’ve scrimped and saved every dollar I earned, live meagerly, and work several jobs. I’m okay and know I’ll be able to bring my family here in a couple of years.
But still, it all feels so difficult sometimes.
Meanwhile, my friend lives amid her employer’s luxuries, gets hand-me-down designer clothes, is doing well with just the one job, and saving a lot of money, too.
I’m jealous. It sometimes makes me impatient with her, and then I feel depressed because my life seems so much harder than hers.
Same Job, Different Lives
I see your situation this way: Different Choices, Open Futures.
The “better life” you sought for yourself and your family is still ahead.
When your family can join you, every effort you’ve made will feel worth it.
They’ll have more opportunities here, and you’ll all benefit together.
That’s been the immigrants’ dream through many decades in North America.
Generally, the next generation usually does better than their parents, and brings the family more comfort and financial security.
Your friend has been lucky, materially.
But you already have what she cannot yet achieve – a husband and children who know and appreciate your determination to improve their lives and be together again.
Some envy’s natural. But getting depressed over your friend’s “luck” is self-defeating.
You’ve worked too hard for that negative outlook.
Don’t compare yourself to a woman whose choices leave her on her own for the foreseeable future.
My daughter, age three, frequently touches herself in her private area and rubs against the furniture.
I want her to love her body but also to know what’s private.
I worry that she’ll do this in public and I’ll get embarrassed and overreact, implying that what she’s doing is “dirty.”
How best should I handle this activity of hers?
You already have the best of concepts about children’s sexuality – that they should love their bodies and also protect their privacy.
Choose a parenting approach that’s comfortable and consistent for you and your husband.
Your toddler’s dealing only with touch and pleasure. There’s nothing “dirty” or negative in what she’s experiencing.
When it occurs in your own home, no comment’s necessary.
If she’s where others may comment negatively, or your embarrassment takes hold, you can distract her without reference to the activity.
Note: If there’s redness or discharge, check with her doctor for vulvovaginitis (irritation or inflammation).
Tip of the day:
Daily sex with your partner is one New Year’s resolution that’s bound to cause a stir.