I'm 31, with two kids from a previous marriage, in a relationship of two and a half years, and five months pregnant.

My partner doesn't want to get intimate with me. Unless I’ve pressured or guilted him into it. The rejection is killing me.

When we started dating, he asked my best friend to come to bed with us one night when he was drunk. I didn't stop it fast enough and saw far too much.

Now, whenever I’m rejected, I take it very hard and just want to walk away from the relationship.

I’m so scared of looking like a failure if I do. I can't afford counselling. Will I ever get over my insecurities about being rejected?

Upset and Hurt

He rejects you because you don’t stand up for yourself and ask him what’s the problem. By focusing – wrongly - on your “insecurities,” instead of on his unkind and unloving behaviour, he does whatever he wants.

Yes, your threesome was a mistake that left bad memories. But that was then.

You have two children and a baby coming, so get a grip on the present. This isn’t about rejection, it’s about finding out if he’s with you as a partner with this baby and with your life together.

If not, start figuring out how to carry on in the most responsible way for your children and yourself. You need support – from family, friends, and a counselor.

Rejection? It’s really meanness, for which you have no time!

My boyfriend's parents don't approve of me because of my religious beliefs. We're both 19 and love each other so much.

I decided to take a chance and attend their church service because I knew it'd make them happy. Never have I felt so uncomfortable. My boyfriend understands.

His parents were happy I attended, but now they keep pushing him to make me become an official member, which is absolutely not fine with me.

I decided to please them in other ways, so I treated his whole family to a dinner. I took them to a fancy restaurant and paid for everyone.

Although they thanked me for it, my boyfriend told me that his father still disapproves of me and that his stepmom wants me to become a member.

I feel like whatever I do, they won’t be happy with his being with me. He said he wouldn’t leave me because he loves me, and that someday he's planning to leave that church anyway.

But I still feel inclined to please his parents. I want a good relationship because one day they might be my in-laws. What should I do? 


Trying to Please

It’s a fine sentiment to wish to please these people, but if they’re rigid in their beliefs, and will only accept you if you change your own beliefs, it’s an impossible, frustrating goal.

Just enjoy your relationship with your boyfriend. But be careful not to try to change his religious views, either.

Over time, as you know each other better, you’ll see whether a difference of church membership matters to you as a couple, or whether you actually share your core beliefs and values.

If his parents see that you two remain serious about each other, they may recognize that it’s wiser for them to accept these differences in order to be connected as a family.

Or, they may not. And that’s when you and your guy will decide how to handle their objections, or limit any discussion of it.

Meanwhile, paying for their dinner won’t buy their approval.

When my mother-in-law lived with us, she demonstrated passive aggressive nastiness towards me. I now maintain a no-contact arrangement with her.

How can mothers-in-law avoid being blacklisted by their daughters-in law? How can daughters-in-law make sure their mothers-in-law never cause them such stress? I’ve read that the mother-in law only treats the daughter-in-law as badly as the son allows.

Your Thoughts?

In-law Rules #1: The child of the difficult parent MUST set boundaries.

But it’s not just sons at fault. Some daughters allow parents to get away with destructive actions and words, criticizing and badmouthing their sons-in-law.

#2: The target of in-law hostility – wife or husband – also has to speak up and warn, that if limits are NOT set, contact will end… and the marriage may fail (it’s been estimated that one-quarter of marriages fail due to in-law problems).

#3: Parents-in-law: Unless asked for your opinion or help, zip it.