This past Valentine's Day, the guy I'd dated half a dozen times (and slept with) didn't call or try to see me. We're both 40, unattached. The next day he emailed that he "doesn't believe in" the hype of the day. I cut him out, completely.

Now he's contacting me, trying hard to get back together. Do I give him another chance?

Annoyed

You need to hear more than just, "I'm back, sorry, let's have sex."

His fundamental error was not in avoiding Valentine's Day, but in not telling a woman he's started dating, ahead of the day, that he felt that way. Also, not asking how you feel about it, and not suggesting that if you're both above the hype, to get together the next day.

Remember, by age 40, if he doesn't consider another person's feelings too, he's unlikely to get better at it.

OR... he spent Feb. 14 with someone else.

Weigh his approach carefully. And, if you do decide to see him, spend more time getting to really know him, and less time in bed, for a while.

My husband of 40 years and I (we're both mid-60s) have grown very far apart. We have two adult sons.

My husband was never interested in socializing or pursuing friendships. Initially, I was very shy and undemanding, but I grew restless and discontented with our solitary lifestyle.

But my every request would lead to a "mood" or an argument. Basically, he's always been reclusive. I told myself he was a decent man, and a good provider.

His father drank (my husband doesn't) and was mean to his 13 children. He discouraged their having friends over, and never took his wife anywhere.

Many of the siblings suffered from depression. There've been suicides in the family, and various disorders that prevent being fully functioning, so something runs through the family, mainly affecting the males.

Now, we're both retired but I work part time, in a part of the entertainment world. My work takes me all over the place, to a lot of creative, fun events, and the occasional film shoot.

I come home to someone who's super critical, short tempered, depressing - and he's gotten worse.

He's also torn our house apart over the years but never put it back together again. We live with plywood floors, building materials, tools everywhere, little furniture but loads of clutter. All because he can't stand having anyone else working in the house.

He's argumentative, talks over me, and is dismissive of me. No argument ever gets resolved.

Re-reading my own letter to you, Ellie, I realize just how dumb I've been, to have lived like this for so long.

Yet I can't imagine living in an apartment - without a ground-floor home and dog - in an anonymous, lonely lifestyle that scares me. But, I exist in a state of anger and frustration.

Stuck

You DO have options. Some are:

1. If you stay in this home and marriage, you can still expand your friendships through your interesting work, and join community activities. Get out of the house and this man's depressing atmosphere, and consider him more as housemate than husband.

2. A single, active woman on her own doesn't have to be anonymous or lonely. You could rent a flat or ground floor unit, keep a dog, make new friends in the neighbourhood, and see old friends.

3. You are already lonely, miserable at home and it's getting worse. Make whatever changes you can.

FEEDBACK Regarding parents' concern over their son, 14, who dresses up as a "furry" animal (Feb. 10):

Reader - "I do agree about monitoring what he's looking at online, but that should be true of anyone's child this age.

"But I believe that suggesting psychological help is only more hurtful to this. Most furry's are furry fans due to one or more things - spirituality, a creative outlet, communing with nature, sex, or self-acceptance. From what the mother wrote, I'd say he found his form of spirituality and an outlet for his creativity.

"From living in that lifestyle myself, I can say he's acting normally. The only things they should do are to be supportive of him and not judge him on what the media says. Being furry is no different than being a Trekkie or Anime nerd."

Counselling was recommended because of his increasing isolation, which is definitely worrisome.