Since my live-in boyfriend of 1.5 years is 30 and successful from working internationally, I thought he’d be ready to settle. He initially said he’s back home for good and eventually wants kids. We’ve discussed getting engaged. 

But, recently he was offered an unbeatable contract job far away and said he couldn’t live without doing this.

I suddenly felt worthless. I’m 25, and have time to get engaged, but this has stopped me from sleeping, eating properly, and concentrating. My self-esteem has plunged.

He’s reassured me of his love, for the long-term, but I’m in the dumps.

Can long-distance work? The country is too dangerous for me to visit.

- Anxious

Long distance CAN work if you both show commitment to it. Start making plans for if and when he can visit you, and/or for a nearby, safe country where you two can meet. 

Discuss the “long-term” he’s envisioning. Will he take more distant “dream” jobs? What’s the timeline you can agree on for engagement and marriage?

Your self-esteem will re-surface when you speak up and know what to expect, so you can weigh your choices, too.

Recently, my gay partner of three years told me his ex-boyfriend was going to be in town, but he only told me this when I called to say I’d be working late. He said they’d have dinner and go out, and he’d see me at home later. 

I’m still hurt even though he assured me nothing happened.

Am I wrong to be upset?

- Uncertain

Trust is missing on both your parts. Your partner was afraid to tell you his plans sooner; you were afraid of what might happen. When you can air out these insecurities, occasional contact with an “ex” won’t seem so ominous. 

However, your partner should’ve invited you to join them later, if you could. It would’ve given everyone the message that your union is strong.

After 20 years of marriage, I had a gut feeling that my husband was seeing his receptionist. It was true. 

Our three sons had never heard us argue, so after we told them we were divorcing, they’d asked him if he was seeing anyone. He told them NO.

A month later he told them he was seeing her for about two weeks.

Two weeks later, he told them that she’s pregnant.

Our children are devastated.

He expects them to go on with their lives and feels that what he’s done is okay.

Is it “okay” for him to show them this behaviour is okay? I’m having a hard time dealing with his decision.

- Disturbed

Your children can tell when something’s fishy; they don’t need a biology class to know this pregnancy happened very quickly. Their father is foolish to think they won’t someday know he cheated on you, and then made up improbable stories. 

If he hopes to keep their respect, he should, over time, talk about his feelings about why this happened.

But YOU shouldn’t be the one to tell them the truth. Take the high road; get counselling to handle this change in your life, so you can be a positive, compassionate mother, as your children adjust.

Readers: In a society with a 50 per cent divorce rate, it’s important that young people are helped to understand why marriages sometimes don’t work out, and some of the ways spouses contributes to the breakdown – work-aholism, lack of communication, immaturity, etc. - so they can hopefully try to avoid these pitfalls in their own relationships.

Often when I speak to my very good friend about a situation or an interest, her response is always about herself. It’s not that she doesn’t care about my life; she just brings everything back to herself. 

What’s an effective way to deal with this? I don’t want to hurt her feelings but I then have to re-direct the conversation back to myself, and I often just let it go.

- Frustrated

Humour can often work as a gentle way to make a point. The next time she pulls her “me, too” attention-getter (that’s partly what it is, even if she’s also trying to identify/commiserate) try my half-joking tactic with a similarly inclined friend. 

I say, “Let’s talk about YOU later. This one’s about ME, and I want to finish telling it.”

After, you can ask her how she handled such a situation as she likely believes she’s only trying to help.